Stupid Golf Problems: If you see something, should you say something?
David Cannon
In so many of the Stupid Golf Problem columns, I’ve argued in favor of following the rules. Maybe not quite to the exact letter of the law, but adhering to some standard set of guidelines that’s fair for all parties involved. Last week’s “lateral hazard everywhere” debate being a perfect example.
In many of these cases, though, my case for following the rules is beneficial to myself, or the reader who has presented their case, in some way. But what about when following the rules is not beneficial to you? What about times when consulting the rule book will actively hurt you? These are the times when unprincipled little boys become men of integrity.
What do you do in these moments? A reader hopped into my email inbox recently to ask this very question ...
I regularly play in events where a foursome acts as a team (best 1 of 4, 2 of 4, etc). The problem is when one of my “partners” breaks a rule, takes a favorable ruling, or gives a putt. Speaking up kills the round and possibly our score but staying silent makes me an accomplice to the crime.
This question right here is why I’ve grown to utterly despise the four-man scramble employed at many a Monday outing. Often these outings are for some sort of charity, or fund-raising for your high school’s football team. Inevitably, four guys in plaid cargo shorts and untucked shirts went “15 under” to win. Everyone knows they cheated but what can you do? Assign a rules official to each group in a hit and giggle?
Often, the response is to simply just cheat in your own group, and I don’t mean cheat, cheat. I mean, when the group has decided on one birdie putt, you lackadaisically whack the other option toward the hole. If it goes in, you all pretend that was the one you chose and it’s a birdie. Technically, you’d be within your rights, since scramble rules are a free-for-all. But it’s a classic “not in the spirit of the game” maneuver. Much like changing grass types or simply not putting out a three-footer for par because it’s clearly good and four people in a row are not going to miss it.
In those scenarios, I’m perfectly fine with a “who cares” approach. Outing scrambles are a total joke and should be treated as such. However, in our reader’s scenario, it sounds more like semi-serious, semi-competitive events this is happening in. Perhaps at a club or the local muni. Stuff that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme but does matter to you, your group and everybody else making the effort to play or put on the event.
In this case, I do think if you see something, you should absolutely say something. The worst that could happen, besides not winning or placing high in the event, is that people start calling you a rules aficionado or Mr. By The Book. You know the much worse alternative to that is? Being known as a cheater.
Plus, this sounds like basic stuff. Putting the ball out. Dropping on the correct line or within two club lengths of where the ball last crossed. Not grounding your club in the sand, etc. These are all bare-minimum requirements in an event of stature. You’re not calling out a ball slightly oscillating, or somebody lightly tamping down the grass behind their ball before hitting a shot. This ain’t making it to Golf Twitter. If you piss off a buddy for protecting the field, I promise they’ll get over it.
Do you have a "stupid" golf problem? A question you're too ashamed to ask your close friends? A conundrum that needs to be talked out in a public forum? We're here to help. If you have etiquette-related inquiries or just want to know how to handle some of the unique on- or off-course situations we all find ourselves in, please let us know. You can email me (chris.powers@wbd.com) or send me a DM on Twitter/X (@Cpowers14) or on Instagram (@cpthreeve).