It's movin' and shakin' season in the NBA and NHL. That means all bets are off. Anthony Davis is semi-officially a Laker. P.K. Subban is officially officially a Devil. The Grizzlies could still hightail it to Seattle and Steven Stamkos might get shipped to the KHL. Anything can happen in the dead of an offseason night. Just ask erstwhile Philadelphia Flyers winger Ryan Hartman, who was traded to the Dallas Stars on Monday—hold on, were now receiving word that you can't ask Hartman, because he's currently on vacation and not answering phone calls or messages until Saturday.
Are you think what we're thinking? There's a strong-to-very-strong chance that Hartman has no idea he's a member of the Dallas Stars right now. As he baits hooks in Lake of the Ozarks or wanders the Appalachian Trail in search of enlightenment, Hartman is still a member of the Flyers. But back in the real world, amidst the gristle and throb of city concrete, he's now a Texan. In fact, the potential for true blissful ignorance is so intoxicating, that Twitter, in a fit of jealously, couldn't help but try to ruin it for him.
Even his mom got in on the fun...
In truth, Hartman probably has gotten the word by now. This is 2019. There's no escape from anything. Your senses are assaulted morning, noon, and night. You are beaten over the head with a cudgel of daily anxieties every time you unlock your phone. But hey, it's nice to think that a fishing trip might just be a fishing trip, and that when it was all over you could drive home, pet the dog, and ask your wife "so what did I miss?" and actually mean it.