Big news out of North Jersey today, where Rutgers Football—the program that brought you Ray Rice and some of the grisliest blowouts in recent collegiate memory—announced plans to add a Jacuzzi to their student section for an opening weekend face-off with 2016 CFP semi-finalists, Washington. Part of the university’s “War Before the Shore” promotion, the boiling tear-filled hepatitis petri dish will be paired with custom beach towels, muscle shirts, and field-level “boat” seating for one of the most authentic Jersey experiences since that time you…
Ate Taylor Ham off the Situation’s abs.
Listened to “Born to Run” and “Living on a Prayer” at the same time.
Got your first ACPD mugshot.
Took mushrooms and convinced yourself Boardwalk Empire and The Sopranos are part of the same shared universe.
Called a radio station just to tell Chris Christie what a piece of sh*t Chris Christie is.
In other words, if you’re tired of sitting in I-95 gridlock for longer than it takes to fly to Paris just to get to the Jersey Shore for Labor Day, don't stress. Rutgers is the bringing The Shore to you. All you have to do is pack your trunks, remember your vaccinations, and try not to puke.