Russian plane spills $368 million in gold and jewels all over Siberia

If you're having a sh*t day, take heart. No matter what you're going through, at least you're not the pilot of this Russian plane, which just puked nine tons of gold, diamonds, and other very expensive shiny things all over the frozen wastes of Yakutia when it's cargo door just "fell" off mid-landing. Needless to say, spilling a bag of rice on your kitchen floor has nothing on this clusterf—k:

According to local sources, police and secret service have blocked off the area and embarked on a desperate search, because let's be honest the kind of guy who ships $368 million dollars of gold bars into the vast nothingness of Russia is also the kind of guy who will cut your fingers off if you misplace even a single red cent of that money, let alone spill it all over some god-forsaken tundra. Then again, just take a look at this sick old bird and you'll see it's nobody's fault but the idiot who thought putting their personal fortune aboard this winged Pinto was a good idea.

Oh, and if you're into conspiracy theories, just take a look at this cargo door and try tell us this was the result of a malfunction and not a carefully placed explosive device.