Gift Guide
December 05, 2019

Your nativity scene has nothing on this Myles Garrett-Mason Rudolph holiday display

NFL: NOV 14 Steelers at Browns

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The essential gift this holiday season—if you're a self-hating Browns fan, concussed Steelers fan or all-around sadist—is this Christmas tree topper for the ages. Although it seems like decades ago, it was only back in mid-November when Cleveland's defensive end Myles Garrett attempted to behead Pittsburgh's Mason Rudolph with the quarterback's own helmet. Although the Browns had essentially won the game, in classic Browns fashion, the team ended up losing in the long run. Now you can reminisce on that moment, loss, and eternal struggle with loserdom while spending the holidays gathered around the tree.

This Steve Schneider creation/abomination covers all of the bases of the Garrett helmet debacle. It has Garrett routinely swinging the opposition's helmet, a referee uselessly tossing an inconsequential flag instead of protecting a player and Rudolph seeming to suffer concussion-like symptoms.

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Those are not the eyes of a non-concussed player.

This joins the pantheon of sports-adjacent holiday gifts that are somehow both useless and vital. While we're here let's see what else is available for the fanatic in your life.

Perhaps you're looking to attend a wedding or bar-mitzvah or funeral, but want to ensure that everyone knows that you support the Ohio State Buckeyes. Might I recommend these stilettos?

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Or, maybe you want to make a waffle, but won't eat it unless you can simultaneously cheer on the Boston Red Sox. Boy, do I have the gift for you!

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It's already December. The gift-purchasing season is upon us and these are but a few gifts in the sports realm that you can buy for your significant other or most-hated enemy.

The Myles Garrett Christmas tree topper is just what you're looking for if you want to send the closest Browns supporter in your life over the edge. They can remember the exact second when their season ended and it truly sunk in (once again) that they're going to be supporting the mediocre-at-best Cleveland Browns into the grave and, perhaps, beyond.