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Rules of War

Reddit Golf Content of the Week: Rules for playing golf when getting bombed and shot at

December 01, 2023

Late at night, when normal human beings are sleeping, one writer spends literal hours on Reddit Golf, a treasure trove of humor, whining, equipment scores, outright lies and occasionally some great advice. It also led him, once upon a time, to Bucket Hat Guy. Each Friday, he will bring the site's best content to you, so that you can live a normal life.

One time at Pinehurst in January, I played with my stepfather and a friend in 30-degree weather with snow falling. I have played in extreme heat. I have been bitten by fire ants on the course more times than I can count, and once, at a solo round I was really looking forward to at Bulle Rocke Golf Course in Havre de Grace, Maryland, I stepped on a nest of yellowjackets and got swarmed. (I got paranoid that I was allergic and drove my car across the street from a hospital's ER and napped there until I was sure I wasn't going to die.)

However, I have never once played golf while being bombed or otherwise attacked by actual Nazis.

I imagine most of you reading this post are in the same boat. But there was a time, in Surrey, England circa 1940, when you couldn't count on completing a full round without being disturbed by the German Air Force. And as user AccomplishedSugar333 posted on Reddit this past week, you better believe the British had rules for this. Of course they did—they're British! But if you're thinking that the main rule was "don't play golf when there's a threat of being bombed by the Luftwaffe," my friend, you would be dead wrong. We can't let a massive global conflict keep us from the links! Check out these "Temporary Wartime Golf Rules":

Your first reaction, if you're anything like me is, "golfers are insane." But we already knew that. Your second might, is this legit? While "Being Bombed by Nazi Rules" would be a pretty bizarre thing to invent, the answer is yes, as documented by several sources. And they were even necessary, because the golf course was indeed hit by several bombs during the German campaign, including one that destroyed a nearby laundry.

All of these rules are amazing, but somehow the most hilarious is no. 7, which dictates that you have to take a penalty stroke if a bomb goes off during your swing. Several Redditors seized on this one.

EternallyMustached: I kinda refuse to a take a penalty stroke for an extra swing because a bomb going off during my first try.

ytown: A bomb mulligan is still a mulligan. +1

crndawg: "A player whose stroke is affected by the simultaneous explosion of a bomb may play another ball from the same place. Penalty one stroke."

This is about the golfiest rule that ever golfed. Amazing.

Karhu_Metsasta: Lmao getting disrupted by getting shelled still nets you a penalty stroke.

But the hilarity was not limited to rule 7. Not by a longshot.

tacomy*****: Rule number 2 suggests that some dudes would have rather have their head blown off than take an unnecessarily penalty in competition and somehow I understand that

Ewscase: Brings new meaning to hitting bombs

Awkward_Canary4597: Can you imagine how long it would take Cantlay to complete a round if he had to reset every time a bomb went off.

heck_naw: this is more english than beans with breakfast

daylax1: Rain, sleet, or shrapnel....either way the wife is still going to be in a bad mood at home

Pooter1313: The definition of keep calm and carry on. God I love my country

chrizcore: Excuse me! Hello! Excuse me, yes you over there! Would you mind taking the gunfiring and grenade throwing to the shrubbery outside the links, please? We're trying to have a civilised round of golf here. And while we're at it: the annual club championship will be tomorrow, please tell your commanding officers the greenkeepers are having a hard time keeping the course in shape. Much obliged.

RedditSELLSyourDATUH: “Ball moved by enemy action” is hilarious. Who is finishing that round?

It was hit after hit from the commenters, but my favorite came from a guy who clearly, CLEARLY, knows golfers:

TheOther1: There will still be some a****** yelling about the pace of play.

Very true. But, to be fair, a bombardment is pretty much the most important time to play fast.