Slow News Day
January 15, 2020

Philly news station airs bizarre interview with alleged Houston Astros trash can

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It's been a pretty lousy week for baseball. First of all, there was no baseball. Generally that makes life a little less good. Second of all, the headlines were dominated by the culmination of the sports' biggest crisis since the BALCO scandal. On Monday, the MLB handed down punishment to the Houston Astros for their elaborate sign stealing scheme, suspending manager A.J. Hinch and general manager Jeff Luhnow for an entire season, docking first and second round picks the next two years, and fining the team $5 million actual U.S. dollars. Within hours, the Astros had fired Hinch and Luhnow—the architects of a perennial 100-win roster—and on Tuesday the Red Sox followed suit, axing Alex Cora before league penalties had even been announced. Next on the list of casualties? Potentially Mets' manager Carlos Beltran, who hasn't even coached a single game for the Flushing franchise yet. Dark days, indeed.

But thankfully Fox 29 in Philadelphia decided to lighten the mood, staging a bizarre interview with the infamous Astros trash can, which the team would allegedly bang on in the dugout to signal offspeed pitches. Whether or not this makes you feel any better about the current state of baseball is up for debate, but it's something.

Must have been a slow news day in Philly. With the Eagles out of the playoffs, there were no interviews with lightpole greasers to run, so Fox 29 producers had to dig deep into their bag of tricks to fill time. They came up with an interview with a trash can instead. Potato, po-tato, I guess. It's bit of an odd choice, though. The Phillies have no beef with the Astros. They don't play in the same division, let alone the same league, and even if they did, the team usually responsible for beating the Phillies is the Phillies themselves.

But don't worry. Just up I-95, Yankees fans have the whole self-righteous anger thing more than covered, with the team's Class-A Affiliate even announcing a novelty trash can giveaway night when they take on the Houston Astros-affiliated Tri City Valley Cats NINE MONTHS FROM NOW. Needless to say, if you're already sick of hearing about this, buckle up. We're just getting started.