Let The Poor Thing Die
April 24, 2020

New Deadspin live tweeted the NFL Draft as only New Deadspin could

2020 NFL Draft - Round 1

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Remember a few years ago when it was last November? Well, wayyyyy back then, there was this little sports website called Deadspin. A favorite of sports writers and assholes everywhere, Deadspin made their name by taking no prisoners or hand outs. They weren't bruhs with athletes like Barstool or a serving tray for league press releases like ESPN. They did actual investigative journalism and stinging op-ed. They wrote about sports (mostly) and non-sports (occasionally). It worked (mostly) and it didn't (occasionally). Then in 2019, Deadspin were purchased by G/O Media, and a few months later new CEO Jim Spanfeller—the kind of corporate goon Deadspin was custom built to lampoon—issued a memo stating that from that point forward, Deadspin must "stick to sports." A few days later, longtime deputy editor Barry Petchesky was fired for, you guessed it, not sticking to sports.

What happened next was unprecedented in the world of sports journalism. Deadspin writers and editors began to quit en masse. By Christmas, G/O had an extinction event on their hands. By the new year, Deadspin had gone dark. But then, just as the rubble stopped smoldering, sporadic transmissions from the abandoned Spin Station began drifting in from the ether. Unfortunately, it soon became clear that the voice we heard was not the one that went quiet last fall, but some Frank Caliendo impression, a hamfisted attempt to lure back old fans to a familiar name with a proprietary strain of cringey mimicry and blatant clickbait. New Deadspin had made first contact.

It's continued on like that throughout the spring, a tweet here and tweet there, testing the water, seeing if anybody was deluded enough to nibble. On Thursday night, however, with the NFL Draft already underway, New Deadspin fired off perhaps the saddest live tweet in the long, sad history of live tweets, hammering the final nail into their own coffin lid before realizing they forgot to climb in. If you're a former Deadspin reader, viewer discretion is advised.

Things kicked off at pick 17, as they always do at the NFL Draft . . .

. . . and crawled on, gut shot and bleeding out, for the remainder of the evening.

And by remainder of the evening, we mean except for picks 19, 24-26, 29, and 31 (as well as 1-16, which we already talked about). 32 picks is a lot of picks for one night, guys!

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Then, with pick 30, they reached their zenith of feces, announcing the Miami Dolphins' third and final selection of the first round as Georgia running back D'Andre Swift. The only problem? Miami selected Auburn cornerback Noah Igbinoghene. The dehydrated hamster running the Deadspin twitter account deleted the tweet, but thankfully The Loop Slack exists in a place beyond time.

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As for football fans' reaction to Deadspin's journey to the center of despair? Well, let's just say, they make us look nice.