Cheat Day

Mike Wallace is in for a nice payday as long as he doesn't eat everything on the planet over the weekend

April 13, 2018
NFL: OCT 16 Ravens at Giants
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If you've ever tried to get in shape and drop a few pounds, you understand it's no easy task. The working out part is a breeze, it's the eating part that is not. Having "willpower" sounds great until it's 9 p.m., your stomach is rumbling and the Double Stuf Oreos are staring you right in the face when you open the pantry. "Just one" you say, and one turns into three and four and five and now you're dipping them in peanut butter and you're right back to square one.

As humans, we need incentive. Sure, looking good is one, but it's not enough. What if you could get paid to lose weight? Now that's incentive, and that's the situation Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Mike Wallace has found himself in heading into the weekend. If he can just lay off the carbs, drink a lot of water and maybe hit the gym, he's in for a massive payday when the defending Super Bowl champions start their off-season workout program on Monday. We're talkin' half a mil:

THAT is some incentive right there. I speak for all of us when I say I could channel my inner-Jesus and fast for 40 days and 40 nights for $500 Gs. There's only one difference when it comes to Wallace's situation though, and that's the fact he barely even weighs 200 pounds and is a physical specimen. NFL players, they're just like us!

How Wallace worked this into his contract is nothing short of a miracle. He's one of the fastest, most athletic and most slender dudes in the league, and he got an incentive to stay under 250 lbs? That's linebacker/tight end territory. What's odd is that for some reason, Wikipedia has him listed at 254, something Wallace is obviously aware of:

The question is, what would Wallace have to do to blow this? I legitimately think you'd have to go round and round a Chick Fil A drive through for the next three days like its a NASCAR track to even come close to 250. Oh, and you'd have to dip all of the chicken in Mayochup and somehow not puke out anything, thus losing the weight. Sounds like Wallace might give it a go:

Was he referring to Dez Bryant being cut in this tweet? Possibly (yes). Or was he referring to my NASCAR race at Chick Fil A idea? Definitely (no). In any event, Wallace can have the biggest cheat weekend of all time and still come in well under the mark, earning a half a million to sit on his ass and be fat for the next 48 hours. That's the American Dream right there.

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