124th U.S. Open

Pinehurst No. 2



CFB MVP

Mike Leach brings 'fat little girlfriends' out of retirement, yet again wins the college football weekend

As a general rule I try not to crown the same person the winner of the college football weekend more than once, but Mike Leach, who dished out another delicious batch of sage wedding advice back in October, is perhaps the No. 1 exception to the rule.

Leach, for many, is an acquired taste. When he's winning, the wedding wisdom and the Halloween candy rankings and his various other shallow musings are must see TV. When his Air Raid offense throws up a goose egg for its third loss in a row, his tangents, much like the tuxedos in "Step Brothers," become weird and not-so-funny anymore.

As of now, Leach is winning at Mississippi State, his Bulldogs currently 6-3 and bowl eligible with three games remaining, including one at home against the No. 1-ranked Georgia Bulldogs this coming week. Then the always-electric Egg Bowl against Ole Miss on Thanksgiving evening awaits. Leach is 0-2 in that game so far, a record Mississippi State fans won't tolerate much longer unless Leach is going 10-3 as opposed to 7-6 each year. 

For now though, Leach is having a respectable third season at the the helm, having just stunned Auburn in Starkville in a wild 39-33 OT thriller during which Leach began folding up all the chairs on his team's sideline because he felt they didn't deserve to sit down:

In a world where Miss. State loses this game, this move is panned as clownish and fireable. In the real world where they won, it's laugh-out-loud funny, as was his famous (infamous?) "fat little girlfriends" comment during his Sunday press conference: 

The easily-offended are already doing their insufferable easily-offended act on social media, but real Leach stans who possess the ability to understand jokes and sarcasm know this has been one of Leach's go-to metaphors for his team getting a little fat and lazy over the years. The OG "fat little girlfriends" drop remains one of his greatest rants from his Texas Tech tenure:

A GOAT at work. Back in the stone ages of 2010, this played, but in 2022 Leach is wading into dangerous waters. Respect to him for not giving a F and running back "fat little girlfriends" anyway. You thin he gives a sh-t if you're offended by this? The guy was tweeting out old-man daylight savings memes on Sunday. He's not conerned with your opinion of him:

King. 

Helmet Stickers

(In this section, we give out Helmet Stickers to those who *almost* won the college football weekend)

Five helmet stickers: The LSU goalpost defender

Monster, monster win for Brian Kelly and the LSU Tigers on Saturday evening, quieting all the dummies from the summer and earlier this season who thought Kelly forgot how to coach football. Understandably, the Tigers fans rushed the field. The post-Coach O era got pretty sad pretty quickly, but Kelly has turned it around in record time and the next stop seems to be the moon. Tigers fans should have been excited Saturday night, but not quite tear-down-the-goalposts excited. That was never going to happen anyway with this bowling ball of a human guarding them:

Imagine trying this dude? Straight to the emergency room. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. 

Four helmet stickers: The Appalachian State fan who attended the Texas A&M-Florida game

I hate that my first reaction to this is "ESPN plant. Fake. Staged." But C'mon, this is literally too good to be true. An App State fan, cigar in mouth, dancing on the Aggies' grave two months later at the scene of the crime, and the ESPN cameras zoomed in on him right as A&M was suffering its latest embarrassing L:

It's too perfect. Too convenient. I love it anyway though. 

Three helmet stickers: Jenny Dell

How did Jenny's arm remain in its socket here?

Jesus Kirby, take it easy man. 

Two helmet sitckers: Mud kid

You try sitting through an entire UVA football game before going so insane you start rolling around in the mud. Good luck. 

One helmet sticker: Bo Nix, for trying

As far as Bo Nix seasons go, Bo Nix is having an all-time great Bo Nix season. He's already doubled his touchdown-pass output from a season ago, throwing for a career-high 22 (there are still three games left), he's got the Ducks in the top 10 after an embarrassing blowout loss to Georgia way back in September, and he's limiting the dumb plays and turnovers. On Saturday against Colorado, though, he reverted to his Auburn Bo Nix form, attempting one of the dumbest backwards over-the-head passes you'll ever see. Believe it or not, it almost worked:

Incredible. By the way, notice the down and distance. This was Nix's last hope on fourth and goal. You have to appreciate the effort. A lot of loser QBs would get sacked, throw it through the back of the end zone, or jusut completely give up on the play entirely. Bo is always going down swinging. Can play for my team any day.