124th U.S. Open

Pinehurst No. 2

The Loop

Man who poses as a new character on every driver's license unveils latest transformation

January 10, 2018

The Zalay family has a special tradition. It's not a vacation or a restaurant or a movie or a catchphrase (O'DOYLE RULES!). No, no. It's a little bit more involved than that. Since the 1970s, the Zalays, at least to hear Jono Zalay tell it on Twitter, have long enjoyed trolling the DMV—itself a sentient trolljob—in a harmless, albeit hilarious, way: By masquerading as a different, absurd American caricature on each new driver's license photo.


As you probably guessed, that's Jono, whose disguise, no matter the mutton chops or mullet, usually adheres to the Russian-spy-infiltrating-Arkansas-trailer-park mold. For his latest ID shoot, however, Jono wanted to branch out, so he turned to CBGB circa '75 for inspiration.


In the end, Jono emerged with the most accurate embodiment of his systematic (but mostly aesthetic) undermining of authority he could possibly find: Punk. He now has to wait two weeks to receive the finished product—which in DMZ speak means five to twelve months, including something in the ballpark of seventeen phone calls and two additional in-person visits—but when that holy grail of adolescent assholery does finally arrive, we'll make sure to update you accordingly.