If you've ever played through a foursome as a single, you know it can be a pressure-packed experience. "Take your time!" they say, "we're in no rush!" they lie. Meanwhile, you're attempt at speed golf quickly leads to an embarrassing triple-bogey as you sprint to the next tee and the group you played through judges your entire existence based on this exchange. Harrowing stuff, but hey, at least they didn't kick your ass or anything.
That was not the case for one man who asked a foursome if he could play through at Kickingbird Golf Course in Edmond, Oklahoma, according to Oklahoma News4. The single, a 55-year-old man, told police that when he approached the group and asked to play through, one of the members of the foursome, 67-year-old Eddie Aday took exception, telling the victim he worked at the course, which the victim didn't care about. They then got into an argument, and the victim claims Aday got 'nose-to-nose' with him. The victim, a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, took a step back because he gets very nervous when other are in his personal space. When Aday approached him again, things turned violent.
"It escalated to the point that the victim was being hit in the head with a putter and the top of his head and the front of the head, and then another member of that foursome hit him from behind," said Jenny Wagnon of the Edmond Police Department.
To make matters worse, another member of the foursome, 72-year-old William Hickman, joined in on the donnybrook and began hitting the victim on his buttocks and legs. Kickingbird Golf Course? More like Let's Kick The Shit Out Of Each Other Golf Course, am I right?
"We don't normally have assault with a dangerous weapon calls at the golf course," said Wagnon.
Luckily, one sensible member of the foursome broke things up, but not before the victim suffered injuries that required three staples and 10 stitches in his head. The suspects claim the victim initiated the attack, but the pain they inflicted upon him says otherwise. They were later charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.
Let this be a lesson to all single golfers out there. There's nothing wrong with hitting a few practice balls, or simulating the glacial pace of the U.S. Open when you're alone on the course. It could keep you out of the hospital.