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    Making sense of Spider-Man's tangled movie web

    July 06, 2017
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    15 years, six movies, three actors, one Spiderman. On Friday, Spider-Man: Homecoming swings into sticky-floored theaters all over America, but if you’re not an AMC butter substance-swilling movie nerd, chances are you’re a little bit lost. Between 2002 and 2007, Sony released the original Spider-Man trilogy to worldwide fanfare, grossing $2.5 billion and helping to spark the self-sustaining superhero gas-fire that we now call the movie industry. Half a decade later, they rebooted the series with Andrew what’s-his-name (ed. note: Garfield) for two cobwebby clunkers that nobody asked for just so they could hold onto the rights for another couple of years.

    All the while, Disney's Marvel Studios lurked in the shadows, waiting for the opportunity to snatch their estranged child back into the amorphous, technicolor blockbuster blob we call the MCU. There were court dates and custody battles, but Disney gets what Disney wants, and in the end Sony struck a deal. The result? Homecoming, the umpteenth Spider-Man iteration of the IMAX era, only with one crucial difference: Now Spidey gets to hang out with all his Avenger buddies. But don’t worry if you’re still a little confused, we’re here to help. Just hold this human stomach-sized cherry coke that's balancing a box of Junior Mints topped with a soft pretzel as we round up each and every Spider-Man to see how they measure up. By the time we’re through, we guarantee you’ll be climbing the GD walls.

    THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY

    Played By: Seabiscuit’s jockey

    Prone To: Spider bites

    Nemesis: Father figure turned goblin

    Distinguishing Trait: Terrible dancer

    Saves: New York

    THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 1 & 2

    Played By: Andrew, uhh, dammit. Ed, I forgot again!

    Prone To: Spider bites (jesus kid, stay away from these things)

    Nemesis: Electrocuted by eels guy

    Distinguishing Trait: Rad skateboarding skillz brah.

    Saves: New York, NOT Gwen Stacy (zing!)

    SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING

    Played By: Tom Holland, AKA another British kid with a good American accent

    Prone To: Viral YouTube hits

    Nemesis: A disgruntled construction worker

    Distinguishing Trait: Friends with Iron Man

    Saves: Boston…just kidding, it’s New York