Let's make one thing clear: I am a massive fan of David Pollack. I first started to follow the Georgia Bulldogs when he was the team's biggest star, and the way he wreaked havoc on opposing quarterbacks was a sight to behold. I'm an even bigger fan of his post-football career work on ESPN. I don't actually think he should be put in prison.
HOWEVA, it did enter my mind when seeing this viral photo of Pollack's "top 10 things to hand out instead of Halloween candy" list that's making the rounds on Twitter. You may not see a more terrifying list of things in your life:
Checking in at No. 7 is sadness, which is somehow the most appealing thing on the entire list. Pennies? Those are garbage, literally. Pencil? Unless it's a Lee Corso game-used No. 2, you can get the hell OUT. Pecans? Maybe the worst nut of all the nuts. What a sick, sick individual.
While this may seem like a joke, I'm not sure it is. Pollack is an absolute health freak who doesn't even look in the direction of something sweet. A few years ago he tweeted that he hadn't had a piece of candy in a decade, and judging by his current figure, that streak has now reached 12 years:
Here's what Pollack looked like in college:
That's one hefty fella. Present-day Pollack is basically a different person:
Guy is a Men's Health cover waiting to happen at all times. But that's NO excuse to be handing out vegetables and dental floss on Halloween. Pollack's house most be the least popular in the neighborhood on Thursday.