August 01, 2017

How would Beyoncé ownership change the Houston Rockets?


2008 NBAE

While you might not have noticed the Houston Rockets hit the NBA sale rack a few weeks back, you certainly didn’t miss Tuesday’s follow-up bombshell: Beyoncé—you know the one—is apparently interested in purchasing a stake in The Association’s latest superteam. Whether or not she’ll actually follow in the footsteps of Justin Timberlake, Gloria Estefan, her husband, and countless other musicians-turned-sports-magnate-hobbyists remains to be seen, but if she does, you can expect to see some new stuff around the Toyota Center next season. Check it out:

More Glittery Uniforms:

The 59th GRAMMY Awards -  Roaming Show

Kevin Mazur

The Rockets always have some the raddest alternate unis in the NBA, but throw Beyoncé’s Tim Burton-shaming cavalcade of costume designers into the mix, and there's sure to be some serious fireworks. Also glitter. Lots and lots of glitter.

A Bigger A-List Fanbase:

Houston Rockets v Toronto Raptors

Vaughn Ridley

Celebs welcome, Beckys (especially those with good hair) not.

Coachella Half-Time Shows:

Oklahoma City Thunder v Houston Rockets

Bob Levey

Sorry Clutch, your saggy ass is out on the street. Now that the Queen Bey is buzzing around the owner’s box, fans can expect a Super Bowl-level halftime show 81 nights a season (which is 81 more than the Oilers and Texans combined have ever given this forsaken football boneyard).

The Triangle Offense:

The 59th GRAMMY Awards - Roaming Show

Christopher Polk

Anybody else get the sense this is really just Phil Jackson in a skin suit trying to troll Carmelo?

A Ring:

Because if you love it…