Sit down, Jerry Maguire. Can it, Coach Boone. Keep riding that bench, Rudy. You may think you’re the best sports movies of all time—hell, you may have even been anointed by the brandy-sipping Hollywood elite—but you have nothing on Ahockalypse. Behold, CINEMA!
One part D2: The Mighty Ducks, one part Night of the Living Dead, Ahockalypse follows The Prairie Kings’ fight for survival as an undead horde descends on quaint [insert upper Midwest town here] in the hours following their triumphant minor league hockey championship victory. Directed by some guy named Wayne and starring Barry Melrose in the role he was born to play—Barry Melrose—Ahockalypse is already garnering rave reviews from respected critics like Ebert & Loopert, @HighOnHockey69, and Barry Melrose’s dog, Barry Melrose.
Here’s what they had to say:
“A masterclass in tension and storytelling. Five stars. Like ‘Citizen Kane’ freed from the formalist strictures of dental hygiene.” - Ebert & Loopert
“Johnny, stop hogging the bong you f*ck.” - @HighOnHockey69
“Bark!” – Barry Melrose the dog
The film industry is still awaiting a release date with bated breath, but given the early buzz, don’t be surprised to see Ahockalypse amble straight-armed and slack-jawed for the fleshy heart of awards season.