If you've watched ESPN any time in the past two months, you've no doubt seen the athletic jewel in Disney's media monopoly shilling something called Disney Plus—a catch-all streaming service for everything Disney ever, which is like 72% of all visual media ever made. Even Stephen A. got in on the act, dollar signs cha-chinging in his eyes like ol' Scrooge McDuck ...
...while Adam Schefter declared the $6.99-a-month coma-induction machine a "life changer."
Corporate-mandated hyperbole aside, however, Disney Plus —which drops November 12th—is perhaps the single biggest streaming event in the relatively short history of such things. The prime advertising thrust behind the new platform has been The Mandalorian, a serialized Star Wars epic that reportedly costs about $15 million per episode to produce. But beneath that shiny, intergalactic veneer, lies a 90-year backlog of Disney motion pictures, including a handful of classic (and not-so-classic) sports movies for when you're tired of watching Boba Fett put a cap in some alien a$$es. So pop the popcorn, start the nostalgia engines, and check out the full list Disney Plus's sport-y offerings before the kids take over the TV for the next five to seven years.
The Love Bug (1969)
A movie about a sentient Volkswagen racing Beetle that revs the engines of love between wheelman and woman and asks one of life's most important questions: Is NASCAR a sport?
Snowball Express (1972)
A man inherits a run down hotel from his dead uncle, plunging him deep into financial woe. He is handed predatory loans for a local banker, who he then races in Silver Hill's annual snowmobile race to absolve his debts. He loses but somehow gets out of the hole on a real estate technicality. In short, it's a film about the American dream.
Herbie Rides Again (1974)
Herbie foils an evil real estate magnate from building a mall that will displace local retirees...then officiates a wedding. Just bear with us here, it gets better.
The Strongest Man in the World (1975)
Kurt Russell stars as Dexter Riley, a college student who discovers a chemical formula that gives him super strength when he puts it in his cereal. He then competes in a weight-lifting competition to save his struggling university from bankruptcy. Escape From New York it ain't.
A movie about a mule who becomes a field goal kicker. That is all.
Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (1977)
Herbie with passports.
Herbie Goes Bananas (1980)
Oh my God, enough with this damn car already.
The Sandlot (1993)
An absolute classic that kick started a rash of youth-targeted baseball movies in the early '90s (see: Rookie of the Year, Angles in the Outfield), The Sandlot taught kids everywhere that if they work hard and keep their noses clean, they can also one day be a star for the Los Angeles Dodgers.
Rookie of the Year (1993)
The second Disney baseball classic in the span of a year, Rookie of the Year tells the story of Henry Rowengartner who breaks his arm during a Little League game. When his cast is removed, the doctor reveals that Henry's tendons have healed a little too tight, allowing him to throw some serious gas. He his soon recruited by the Chicago Cubs, sharing a locker room with an adult Gary Busey in what quickly becomes a cautionary parenting tale.
Iron Will (1994)
After his father dies in a mushing accident, Will Stoneman sets out for Manitoba to enter the store-brand version of the Iditarod, hoping the prize money will help get his family back on their feet. Kevin Spacey stars, which is unfortunate.
The one where Shaq plays a genie who comes out of a jukebox.
The inspirational story Andy "Brink" Brinker (BRINK!), who joins a group of sponsored aggressive inline skaters to help make money for his struggling family. In 1998, rollerblading was a viable career path. What a time to be alive.
Johnny Tsunami (1999)
Gen X-Games continues with Johnny Tsunami, the story of Johnny Kapahaala, a surfer forced to adapt to a new way of life when is family relocates from Hawaii to Vermont as part of the Great Maple Syrup Rush (OK, we're making that part up.) Johnny, as you've probably guessed, learns to snowboard and eventually defeats a gang of ski bullies in a race, who then agree to share the mountain with the snowboarders. Everyone learns we're more alike than we are different, and the world spins on into a peaceful, unified future.
Miracle in Lane 2 (2000)
Little Rascals + Cool Runnings x Frankie Munoz = Miracle in Lane 2, a true story about Justin Yoder, a young boy born with spina bifida who finds the competitive spirit in soapbox racing. We're not going to say anything snarky about this one.
Remember the Titans (2000)
If you need us to explain Remember the Titans to you, why are you even here?
Ready to Run (2000)
Like most inspirational Disney sports films, Ready to Run begins with the death of a parent. Inspired by her father's thoroughbred racing legacy, Corrie Ortiz embarks on a mission to become a female jockey in the short guy-dominated jockey industry. She eventually wins the Gold Rush Derby, and the horse isn't grievously injured in some emotionally manipulative third-act rug-pull, so you don't have to worry about crying in front of your roommates.
Pretty much Ready to Run with a dirt bike instead of horse. Wikipedia tells us it's a loose adaptation of Shakespeare's a Twelfth Night and, hold on, wut?
Snow Dogs (2002)
More damn sled dog racing, this time starring, um, Academy Award-winning actor and Jerry Maguire alum Cuba Gooding Jr., who is desperately in need of a new agent if you know anyone.
Double Teamed (2002)
With a title like Double Teamed, you may be wondering how this, ahem, movie made it on to Disney Plus, but don't worry! It's about basketball...we think!
The Rookie (2002)
Disney's Field of Dreams knockoff, starring Dennis Quaid, who we hear is doing pretty well for himself these days. Quaid plays Jim Morris, a former Major League pitcher who tears his shoulder up and is forced to go back to his small town and become a youth baseball coach. Yadda, yadda, yadda, radar gun scene, and Morris finally gets his chance to pitch in the majors again for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, which seems like a really odd narrative decision until you remember Tampa Bay is just down the road from Disney World.
Gotta Kick It Up! (2002)
Disney's Bring It On knockoff. A young executive-turned-teacher helps a group of young Latina girls find themselves via the power of pep and, of course, interpretive dance.
Right on Track (2003)
Two sisters buck societal and gender norms to become drag-racing phenoms. Not to be confused with the sister who becomes the motocross star, the daughter who becomes a jockey, and the surfer who becomes a snowboarder.
Full-Court Miracle (2003)
The true story of Lamont Carr, the first-ever African-American basketball player to graduate from Virginia University. When a knee injury prevented Carr from making it to the NBA, he became the coach for Philadelphia's Hebrew Academy, leading a crew of upstart Jewish basketball players to a Liberty Tournament triumph. No full-court shot was hit in the making of this movie.
Not be confused with Full-Court Miracle, Miracle is the fictionalized retelling of the "Miracle on Ice" at the 1980 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid. If we have to explain this one to you, you're probably a Russian spy.
Going to the Mat (2004)
After relocating from NYC to SLC, blind student Jace Newfield wants to fit in at his new school. He really likes the drums, but is quickly told that being a jock is the only way to fit in. After joining the wrestling team and leading them to State Championship, he is finally accepted by his peers, conveying a valuable lesson about society: If you don't fit in, give up everything you love and change everything about yourself and you'll be fine!
Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005)
The Greatest Game Ever Played (2005)
GOLF ALERT! Directed by Bill Paxton and starring Shia Labeouf, The Greatest Game Ever Played is based on the life of Francis Ouimet, the so-called "Father of Amateur Golf." If you knew Shia Labeouf was once in a golf movie, you are now in control of the board.
Jump In! (2007)
A movie about competitive jump roping.
The Game Plan (2007)
The Rock! After leaving WWE and cutting his Hollywood teeth on B action movies, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson had a brief stint as family-friendly big guy in the mid-aughts, starring in movies like Tooth Fairy and The Game Plan, where The Rock plays a professional quarterback whose life is turned upside down when he finds out he has an eight-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Today The Rock is back to doing what The Rock does best: Punching Jason Statham in the throat.
After a whopping three-year sports movie sabbatical, Disney's longest since the 80s, they returned with [drum roll please] another horse movie. If you can tell this and Seabiscuit apart, give yourself a pat on the back and go get a life.