August 4, 2008

No Doublespeak Please

It gets pretty tiring listening to pro athletes retire, "unretire", retire...Annika are you listening?

We can thank Brett Favre for putting the "tire" back into retirement, and I'm not talking about the 40,000-mile radials on Uncle Ned's station wagon. Nobody calls audibles out of both sides of his mouth better than the former-turned-current Green Bay Packers quarterback, whose change of heart has become wearisome and meaningless -- the clubhouse leader when it comes to the summer's biggest non-stories.

I used to think Favre was pretty cool. The only thing he hates more than losing is a razor. He's just as likely to throw a punch at a defensive lineman as he is a game-winning touchdown pass, but the main thing was, you could believe him, trust him. His word was good. Now it turns out he's just another guy who can go from hero to zero in 60 seconds.

Is it just me, or are you sick of athletes who retire before they're done playing? Are you paying attention, Annika? Maybe sports needs a term to define the vast middle ground between "active" and "finished," which isn't to say a man (or woman) should be acquitted of not quitting after 15 minutes of sitting.

Twenty bucks says the Ricoh Women's British Open wasn't Sorenstam's last major, which is fine with me so long as she doesn't bring it up every two weeks. The lady just spent 12 years beating everybody's brains in. Now she wants to go be a mommy? That's awesome, and you go, gal, but striping a 3-wood and acing parenthood need not be mutually exclusive.

Oh, and by the way? The game needs Annika, but Annika really needs the game, and she'll realize that soon enough. You don't hold up trophies in your sleep unless the buzz runs through your bloodstream. My over-under on her competitive return is the 2010 Nabisco. Until then, nobody can talk about coming out of retirement unless they have given it an honest try. And I mean honest.