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Future super-villain tech mogul wears puppy as accessory to TechCrunch

September 20, 2017

New York Fashion Week may be over, but the runway-ready looks are still pouring in thanks to TechCrunch, perhaps the last place on this semi-habitable space rock you would expect to find anybody wearing anything other than a pair of taped-up glasses and a Superman t-shirt. On Tuesday, however, Russian programmer Vitalik Buterin caused a sartorial stir, discussing his new “decentralized mining network and software development platform rolled into one” draped in an array of rainbows, UFOs, and unicorn llamas, but it was Udacity founder and autonomous driving pioneer Sebastian Thrun who made the biggest splash, taking the stage wearing a living, breathing, barking, shitting husky puppy like a necklace.

No, we’re not kidding.


From Dr. Evil to Dr. Claw, and even Ernst Stavro Blofeld in between, humanity’s most infamous super villains have long demonstrated an affinity for malevolent hench-i-mals (hell, even Voldemort had a snake), and Thrun—shaved head, puppy strapped to his chest, waxing poetic about a glorious future of airborne takeout—more than looked the part. “I envision a [future] where you hop in a thing, go in the air, and fly in a straight line.” Thrun said during his Fireside Chat, cackling manically while stroking Igor’s furry little head. “I envision a future where Amazon delivers my food in the air in five minutes. The air is so free of stuff and is so unused compared to the ground, it HAS to happen in my opinion.”

“HAS” to happen? Someone get Langley on the horn. It sounds like it’s only a matter of time until this guy ransoms the pyramids for a couple billion and a helicopter (for some reason they always need a helicopter), and it's going to take a few hours to drag McClane’s hungover ass out of retirement.

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