The Loop

"Full Kit Wanker" stars in escalator fail of the year

December 22, 2017

First things first: If you're headed to the "footy" match don't wear a full "kit" when you do. That's for six-year-olds and "wankers." Need a translator for this already? Well, just let the video do the talking. This, folks, is what happens to full-grown adults who dress up as their favorite player before heading to the game...

There are at least three banner moments in this now super-viral clip. The first comes when FKW here smashes his, well, wanker on a hard, squat square of molded plastic and steel. The second arrives moments after the initial impact, when, gaining speed, the subject grimaces with a mixture of pain and the realization that he is now going too fast to stop himself. The third and final moment—the coup de grace, as it were—arrives moments later, when FKW strikes the final signage like an X Games kicker, send him flailing into the air and, eventually, onto the corrugated metal escalator treads themselves.

So remember, kids, if you're looking to have a "top night", just stick to the jersey and don't take your escalator navigation tips from Johnny Knoxville.