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Cow escapes nativity scene twice in one morning, presumably needs a break from the in-laws

December 14, 2017

The holidays can be just as stressful as they are joyous, with finances, family, year-end workload, and Wild Card playoff scenarios driving countless Americans to the ends of their already pretty frayed ropes. Just ask Stormy the cow, who, fed up with the indignities of regular bovine life, escaped a Philadelphia-area nativity not once, but twice on Thursday morning, confounding authorities and delaying the birth of Christ at least a couple of hours.

It all began with her initial escape, after which Stormy was corralled and led back to her lonely studio pen. Not content with her brief respite and seeking just one tiny, insignificant shred of validation for pulling her own weight as a functioning member of livestock society, however, Stormy sprung the locks again and hit I-95 with clear eyes and a full heart…

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Philly PD were, understandably, not amused with their second cow-related call of the morning, especially when you factor in it being the same damn cow and all:

After a thankfully white Bronco-less pursuit, police eventually tracked Stormy to the fourth floor of an Old City parking garage, where the cow was allegedly attempting to hotwire a convertible with enough gas to make Memphis by morning. After a terse standoff, Stormy relented, and was promptly led back to her life as the living, breathing backdrop in a yearly holiday display offering little in the way of A. entertainment and B. historical authenticity.

Needless to say, we—fellow animals staring our own annual archive of discontent in the maw—feel for you, Stormy. So stay strong and keep your jowls up. Trust us, it gets better.