They say you can't keep a good man down. But apparently in this participation trophy-strewn millennial hellscape, that definition has been broadened to include aggressively average men as well, with former New Jersey governor Chris Christie rising from the proverbial dead this week to claim perhaps his
greatest most-warranted triumph yet: A triple XL Rutgers hoodie hanging in the rafters of the prestigious, totally-not-sketchy-at-all Sports Betting Hall of Fame. Someone kick the Jon Bon, this is cause to celebrate!
So yes, the Sports Betting Hall of Fame is a real thing, and no, it's not just a fancy code word rich people use for "prison"—like when auntie has to go to the "spa" after lighting her neighbor's welcome mat on fire while reciting the closing monologue of Sunset Boulevard faster and faster until the words turn to mush. Founded in 2016 by the London-based Sports Betting Commission, the SBHoF is still in its infancy—it doesn't even have a drafty converted hangar in some random Ohio town yet—but Christie's induction is decidedly their biggest push for (il)legitimacy yet.
Christie, who is being inducted despite the fact sports betting didn't become legal in New Jersey until four months AFTER he left office (yes, this is the most Chris Christie thing ever), will be both the first American and politician inducted into the SBHoF. He will be welcomed into the hallowed folds on April 25th during the SBC's Betting on Sports America Conference, held, fittingly, at the Meadowlands Exposition Center in beautiful Secaucus, N.J.
“We want to recognize the people who pushed sports betting forward,” said SBC managing director Andrew McCarron of Christie's ascension to the ranks of the degenerate elite. “The idea behind the Hall of Fame is to reward and recognize the people who really made a difference.”
The SBC is expected is announce two more convic—er—inductees in the coming months, and while we've all had a good chuckle here, allow to us to get serious here for a moment: If Christie isn't flanked by Pete Rose and Tim Donaghy when he ambles out onto to that stage in April, we f—ing riot.