RIP Boston-area Quiznos, Bill Belichick is shilling $5 Footlongs now

September 01, 2020

Age changes folks. Some mellow. Some toughen. Some spread their wings and see the world, other shut themselves away from it. It teaches each of us what’s really important to, well, each of us, and for Bill Belichick, about halfway through his 68th trip around the sun, that thing is 12 hot and toasty inches of meatball marinara for just five bucks. Yes, what you’re about to see is Bill Belichick shilling subs (or grinders, as they're known in the great Northeast) for oblong McDonald’s. No, we never thought we’d live long enough to see it either.

RIP Cambridge Quiznos and Worcester D’Angelos. Sayonara Dracut Jimmy John’s and Dorchester Blimpies. Someone call Lowell FD, because Firehouse Subs just went up in a five-alarm blaze. There won’t be a non-Subway sandwich sold in the Commonwealth until at least January. It's not quite as legendary as Mr. Avocado Pajamas hawking Snickers bars, but we simple beggars cannot be choosers.

As far as Belichick’s performance, well, let’s just say it’s understated—”lived in,” as they say in the entertainment biz. He gets seven whole words of dialog, which is downright verbose for the Patriots czar, and even rocks the same sleeveless hoodie that will one day adorn the inside of a glass display case in Canton. You really can’t ask for much more that . . . apart from lunch. Sweet onion chicken teriyaki here we frickin' come.