Embracing America's ongoing crusade to turn life into nothing more than a sequence of thumb flicks and button taps, McDonald's announced plans Tuesday to enable mobile ordering at all 14,000 of its US locations by the end of the year. Just download the app, press a button, and voila, that Big Mac that was already waiting for you on an greasy aluminum chute will, uhh, be still waiting for you on a greasy aluminum chute, only customized (no pickles!) and paid for. Needless to say, if the shame of ordering that shamrock shake cleanse while looking another human in the eyes at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday is simply too great, then this app is going to change your obviously pretty fulfilling life.
Oh, and if McDonald's isn't enough for you, connoisseur of fine cuisine and bleeding-edge tech, Chick-fil-A, Domino's, Starbucks, Taco Bell, and a host of others mental health food chains already offer their own minimum-interaction ordering apps, so plug into the Matrix and check them out.