The Loop

Lock Him Up

Alex Ovechkin spearing some dude in the huevos so hard he nearly broke his stick is a hockey war crime

March 04, 2021

You don’t come at Ovi. You think the kids would know this, but the kids are dumb. Consequences are a concept to them, not a reality. If it didn’t happen 15 seconds ago, they don’t remember it. Most of all, they don’t respect their elders. That is a dangerous way to live in the National Hockey League, however, where tradition and physical violence are one and the same. Just ask 23-year-old Bruins cub Trent Frederic who learned that lesson the hard way on Wednesday night, nipping and chirping at Alexander Ovechkin until the mad Russian was forced to take matters into his own lighting-quick hands. Viewer discretion most definitely advised.

For the sake of Frederic’s paternal aspirations, let’s all hope and pray his cup did its job. You may think he was hamming it up for the refs, but closer inspection reveals that Ovi didn’t hold back one single ounce of horsepower.

My word. Just look at the flex on that stick as it connects with Frederic’s loins. If that doesn't turn you green at the gills, check your pulse because you're probably dead. Luckingly for Ovechkin, the refs only dolled out offsetting minors on the play, but he should be expecting a call from Bettman’s goons any minute now. This is a practical war crime and Ovi is going to have to plunk a couple coins back in the league coiffers to make things right again. Not that Frederic’s huevos will care. Nothing Ovechkin can ever say or do will heal this trauma. Some wounds, as they say, last a lifetime.