Summer may be winding down, but things are just heating up in the novelty t-shirt capital of the Carolinas, where the world's first non-animated Kwik-E-Mart—the donut- and Duff-shilling convenience store of Simpsons lore—has just opened its doors to Springfield buffs across the mid-Atlantic.
While this is most certainly not a drill, it is an elaborate viral marketing stunt for a new Simpsons 4D movie/tourism attraction, premiering this fall at the Simpsons-themed Aztec Theater next door. Fans can purchase ice-cold Buzz Colas, Heat-Lamp Hot Dogs, Lard Lad Donuts, Duff Beer, Flaming Moe's Energy drinks, and Squishees in a variety of thermo-nuclear pigments, all under the watchful eye of a character currently embroiled in a racism controversy because nothing—not even killing yourself with sugar while on vacation—is pure anymore.
If this all seems vaguely familiar, 7-11 also converted several locations to a Kwik-E-Mart theme as promotion for The Simpsons Movie back in 2007, but the new Myrtle Beach is the first standalone Kwik-E-Mart in this reality. There's no word yet on how long the location will remain open, but since it doesn't sell Simpsons-themed cigarettes, lotto tickets, or condoms, something tells us it won't be around for long.