Fun & Games
July 19, 2017

7 childhood games that should have their own pro leagues

Field day - Day 2

Field day - Day 2

LONDON, ENGLAND - JUNE 07: General view of festival goers competing in a sack race at Field Day Festival on June 7, 2015 in London, England. (Photo by Andrew Benge/WireImage)

Photo by: Andrew Benge

Andrew Benge

T.O. is playing flag football and A.I. is in a 3-on-3 league. Drone racing is on ESPN and e-sports stars are regularly pulling down six-figure sums. The world’s never-ending search for new sports knows no bounds—[cough] XFL [cough]—and its latest source of inspiration is as unlikely as it is familiar: The games you used to play as a kid, whether on the playground, in the driveway, or drooling away in the basement.

But why stop at professional tag? There are plenty of other sandlot favorites out there and we in The Loop’s Cheap Fun & Easy Profits department plan to exploit them all. As you’ll see below, our work has already begun, but there’s still time for you to help. Simply select “Not Interested”, “Interested”, or “Very Interested” for each idea, and then submit your responses to the nearest supervisor for tallying. Thank you for your participation and we look forward to beta testing all of these with you at the annual market research appreciation picnic next week!

Ding Dong Ditch

Latest Consumer Technology Products On Display At CES 2016

Latest Consumer Technology Products On Display At CES 2016

LAS VEGAS, NV - JANUARY 07: The Vivint Doorbell Camera is displayed at CES 2016 at the Sands Expo and Convention Center on January 7, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. It works with the Vivint Sky smart home system and features two-way talk via a built-in microphone and speaker, a 180-degree camera lens with night vision, and on-demand access to 30-second video clips it records. Customers able to see who is at the door on their smartphones can lock or unlock the door remotely. CES, the world\'s largest annual consumer technology trade show, runs through January 9 and features 3,600 exhibitors showing off their latest products and services to more than 150,000 attendees. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

Photo by: Ethan Miller

Ethan Miller

How do you make the MLDDD fun to watch, you ask? Simple. Instead of Principle Smith in his wife’s heels, each round will feature a surprise guest waiting on the other side of the doorbell. OH GOD IT’S RAY LEWIS, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Kick the Can

SOCCER: DEC 06 MLS Cup - Timbers at Crew SC

SOCCER: DEC 06 MLS Cup - Timbers at Crew SC

December 06, 2015: Beer can laying on the pitch altering being toss by a fan during the MLS Cup held at MAPFRE Stadium in Columbus, Ohio.( Photo by Jason Mowry/Icon Sportswire) (Photo by Jason Mowry/Icon Sportswire/Corbis via Getty Images)

Photo by: Icon Sports Wire

Icon Sports Wire

A mixture of stealth, strategy, and agility, this classic combination of hide-and-seek and capture the flag could be sleekly updated with advanced tech—think smoke grenades and radio jammers for the kickers and camera-outfitted drones for the seekers—and some ol’ fashioned, full-contact tagging (and by “tagging” we mean clotheslines that would make Deacon Jones queasy). Voila. Entertainment.

Marco Polo

MarcoPolo.jpg

MarcoPolo.jpg

Adding sharks seems like it could get messy from both animal and human rights standpoints, so as an alternative, just swap the shallow-end wading for nitrous-powered speedboats and watch the sparks fly. It’ll be like Talladega if you blindfolded one new driver at every pit stop, which sounds stupid…ly awesome, that is.

Snowball Fighting

Like any sport, the SFL is all about its star power, and with a potential Legends Division lineup featuring Brett Favre, Randy Johnson, and some of the most iconic hurlers in world cricket history, the network execs who pass on the this one won’t be the only ones getting stung.

Wallball

3Z1A2579.jpg

3Z1A2579.jpg

Forget the Summer League. Let’s take all the NBA rookies and organize a professional wallball league that would take the sports world by—wait, it already exists? Seriously?? OK. So picture this: Simon Says…only with tasers!

Bloody Knuckles

ISPS HANDA World Super 6 Perth - Round Four

ISPS HANDA World Super 6 Perth - Round Four

PERTH, AUSTRALIA - FEBRUARY 19: Louis Oosthuizen of South Africa knuckles Adam Bland of Australia as they walk back to the shoot out tee in match eighteen of the match play during round four of the ISPS HANDA World Super 6 Perth at Lake Karrinyup Country Club on February 19, 2017 in Perth, Australia. (Photo by Paul Kane/Getty Images)

Photo by: Paul Kane

Paul Kane

We know, we know. Barbaric! Grotesque! A dangerous example for our children! To which we raise you Mayweather vs. McGregor. Next to this traveling carnival of fire-breathing racism, high-flying homophobia, and lion-taming chauvinism—currently pre-ordered and waiting patiently on your cable box at home—a few hulked-up beasts smashing their knuckles together until one or both passes out from the pain seems downright cosmopolitan.

The Quiet Game

TOPSHOT-FBL-ESP-LIGA-BETIS-BARCELONA

TOPSHOT-FBL-ESP-LIGA-BETIS-BARCELONA

TOPSHOT - Barcelona\'s Uruguayan forward Luis Suarez celebrates after scoring a goal during the Spanish league football match Real Betis vs FC Barcelona at the Benito Villamarin stadium in Sevilla on January 29, 2017.The match ended in a draw 1-1 / AFP PHOTO / CRISTINA QUICLER (Photo credit should read CRISTINA QUICLER/AFP/Getty Images)

Photo by: CRISTINA QUICLER

CRISTINA QUICLER

Ha. Ha. NICE TRY, MOM!


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