Our friends at GQ -- or at least we thought we were friends, but this kind of stings in a "I purposely left you off the text chain" sort of way -- recently came out with a list of the Summer's Douchiest sports.
You can probably see where this is headed. Golf doesn't fare well. On its otherwise impressive matrix, which judges sports on two scales -- how cool vs. how douchey and how strenuous vs. how languorous -- golf ranks in the worst possible quadrant: douchey* and* languorous. To put it in perspective, kickball, billiards, and bocce ball (bocce ball!!) all rank higher. At least we were better than croquet. That alone would have been reason to close up shop.
Even more discouraging is this description of golf in the ranking: "Whoops, sorry, didn't mean to include this in a list of sports." Rich. What, no knickers jokes?
And they think golf isn't cool? OK, bad example.
Look, we get it, and we're not bitter. We could use this opportunity to make fun of kickball -- you know, how it's not really a summer sport because it's usually played by third graders during recess -- but we're above that. Same goes for bocce ball. We're not going to pick on any sport in which you could be holding a hot drink and participating in a conference call the whole time you're playing. It's just not what we do.
So nice job, GQ. Well done. We wish you luck with your way cooler sports like swimming and bowling . . . *WAIT, *BOWLING FINISHED HIGHER? ARE YOU F$#%ING KIDDING?