The NBA Playoffs start this weekend, and for those without a hometown club, now is the chance to jump on a bandwagon. However, which teams we choose hold subliminal meaning. It sends not just a message to the rest of the world, but serves as a mirror for things we are often unable to see. Think that's some ideological B.S.? Here is what your NBA bandwagon pick says about you:
You go against the grain, the type of person who routinely picks a No. 12 seed to reach the Final Four just so when it happens you can say, "Told ya so." Your enjoyment is not predicated on winning or losing but merely being in the breech. You wear '90s NBA jerseys to barbecues, take great pride in knowing esoteric, unknown bands, and likely vote for third-party candidates.
Though you can't define it, you know there's something greater at stake than a mere basketball game; this team's fate is a battle for the game's soul. You consider yourself a progressive, laughing at the sport's conventional verbiage and beliefs. When asked your favorite player, it's always the little-played 10th man whose greatness is lost on everyone but you. You put great care and time into your Yelp reviews, and talk weekly how your three-day volunteer trip to Venezuela in college changed your life.
You appreciate a good Mikan drill. While others celebrate the hero that hit the game-winner, the player that set the screen earns your heart. Floors burns are a badge of honor, and you worry the YouTube-ification of highlights is diluting the product. To you, there's nothing better than a perfect ice cream sundae; "60 Minutes" is your favorite program. You are white.
Portland Trail Blazers
You act like you're a defeatist, joking that it's all going to crash-and-burn in spectacular fashion. But deep down, there's a fire that shines, saying, "You know, maybe this is the year." Alas, when it does fall apart, you're despondent, upset you allowed yourself even a glimmer of hope. Nothing grinds your gears like a player who doesn't get back on defense, and you hate when guys talk trash when they're losing by double-digits. You spend at least $30 a week on lottery tickets and Miller High Life is your drink of choice.
You are all-in on this team, even though you've never traveled to the state and aren't positive who owns the franchise. You love that your squad plays a dirty, old-school brand of basketball, even if said style often leads to the other team winning. Missed free throws cause you to throw things. You've been fired from at least one job for breaking chain of command, and you're convinced the government is spying on you through your DVR.
You believe "The Process!" is a proper exclamation, no matter the context, although you can't name any guys besides Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons. You're partly pulling for them because you think LeBron James is going there this summer. Half of your Twitter follows are NBA centric yet you failed to watch a single game from start-to-finish. You don't "live to work" but "work to live." You're favorite day of the week is Thursday because Applebee's offers half-priced margaritas.