Thursday marks the Finals for the Scripps National Spelling Bee. For those unfamiliar, this is the annual competition that
makes you realize your parents failed you tests child prodigies on their grammar aptitude. Despite a mundane premise, it's a wildly entertaining watch.
Which got us thinking: What would a golf-themed spelling bee look like?
Language: Germanic, Sawgrassian
Definition: Adjective -- Of, relating to, or characteristic of the devil designer, Pete Dye; a course that is very unpleasant, bad, or annoying to one's scorecard.
Usage: Keely played well, but the dyeabolical set-up left her on the wrong side of 80.
Language: Scottish Gaelic
Definition: Noun -- A links course off the North Sea that turns golfers into chops; Verb -- Snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory.
Usage: Alex was hitting it off with the cart girl but Carnoustied his chances by asking her out to Chili's.
Definition: Adjective -- Originally meant to describe the act of making a golf course difficult. In modern times, refers to constructing a press release void of interest or valuable info.
Usage: Reporters were hoping for more substance, but the 5 PM news dump was Tiger-proofed, saying little and continuing to leave the matter in an ambiguous state.
Word: Tour Sauce
Language: No Laying Upish
Definition: Noun -- A list of courages actions or plays normally undertaken only by PGA Tour players. Successful act is culminated in a club twirl.
Usage: Sam's driver-of-the-deck shot to reach the green in two was straight Tour Sauce. Unfortunately, he five-putted.
Language: Texan English
Definition: Noun -- A person or thing that departs from the accepted norm or standard with pride; Verb -- Playing by one's own rules in a cavalier -- some would argue self-satisfied -- demeanor.
Usage: Ryan's wardrobe -- consisting of a bucket hat, jorts and a cut-off shirt -- severely DeChambeaud from the club's dress policy.
Definition: Noun -- The loss of motor skills in the short game; A fate worse than death, leaving the victim to curse the gods and question existence.
Usage: Poor Hennessey. He stuck his first approach but four-putted from three feet. He battled a case of the Els for the rest of the round.
Language: Weekend Warriorian
Definition: Noun -- A thing that is very easy to perform or obtain; A putt of short length that is expected to be conceded by an opponent. Both a liberal and conservative interpretation of this length can call one's integrity into question.
Usage: I get Pat wants to impress the boss, but I don't think a double-breaking nine-footer qualifies as a gimme.
Language: Transcends communication barriers
Definition: Verb -- The act of a PGA Tour's players children taking over the 18th green following a victory; Noun -- A person who restores your faith in humanity.
Usage: Only those with hearts of stone didn't smile as Dash grabbed the flagstick and tossed it in the bunker.
Definition: Noun -- A liar; Verb -- The act of selling a falsehood that is so exaggerated that it's comical, disturbing and sad.
Usage: Joel says he's a scratch, but he's got to be Allenbying: He's never shot better than 90 when we play together.