What famous teachers would be like if they were golf instructors

As part of Golf Digest's monthly "Digest" page, we look at famous teachers, in pop culture or sports, and how they'd be if they were golf coaches.

Mr. Miyagi

"Karate Kid"

Assigns menial household tasks under the guise it will help your short game.

John Keating

"Dead Poets Society"

Encourages students to “seize the day” by hitting driver off the deck.

Dean Wormer

"Animal House"

”Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through a golf round.”

Bill Belichick

New England Patriots

Fiercely secretive, he hides players behind black curtains during range sessions.

Dewey Finn

"School of Rock"

Has students “Get the Led out” before stepping to the first tee.

Sean Maguire

"Good Will Hunting"

Tells students that it’s not their fault after any poor shot.

"The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow." Dan Jenkins

COLLEGES GOLF NUTS SHOULD CONSIDER APPLYING TO

Augusta State

We don’t need to explain.

Auburn

Five words: Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail.

Ohio State

Jack’s alma mater boasts two Alister MacKenzie designs.

Anywhere In Florida

It’s easier to join a golf club than a fraternity/sorority.

Oregon Institute Of Marine Biology

Heard of Bandon Dunes?

Yale

If you prefer Biarritz to beer, this is your place.

"USELESS STUFF" YOU LEARNED IN SCHOOL THAT YOU CAN NOW USE IN GOLF

Apply laws of physics to determine how far you can throw your club without reaching the lake.

Use earth-science knowledge to check clouds for possible precipitation.

Use advanced calculus to determine how many strokes you should be getting at the member-guest.

Draw on ninth-grade geography to decide if you’re within driving distance of Myrtle Beach.

COCKTAIL OF THE MONTH

Elevated Jungle Juice

It’s back-to-school season, and the only thing flowing more than the nostalgia is the jungle juice—the infamous anything-goes punch alternative concocted in WWII’s Pacific Theater before being adopted by every frat house in America. To celebrate, grab your red Solo cup and join us for this (slightly) sophisticated take on a college classic. —Coleman Bentley

1 750ml bottle vodka 1 750ml bottle white rum 2/3 bottle fruit liqueur such as Solerno or Fabrizia ¾ bottle white/sparkling wine 2 gallons orange juice or fruit punch 1 gallon lemonade Fresh fruit (orange wheels, pineapple, strawberry, etc.)

Combine all ingredients in a large punch bowl. Individually pour over ice to chill.

SIX MOVES TO MAKE NOW IF IT APPEARS YOU’RE GOING BACK TO Q SCHOOL

Hoard golf balls and tees.

Remove shirt logos from sponsors dropping you.

Have your golf shoes polished one last time in the clubhouse.

Stuff your golf bag with snacks from player dining.

Put the sports car up for sale.

Ask if it’s still possible to get back the deposit on the beach house.