Dream Jobs

Update your LinkedIn, this supermarket chain is now hiring a "Chicken Nugget Connoisseur"

January 17, 2018
Chicken nuggets with chips.
ullstein bild

Dream jobs are tricky. First of all, good luck finding one. Second of all, good luck landing one over the kid whose dad knows everybody. But even if you are lucky enough to score your ideal career, you'll learn by about week three that Slack is still your keeper, the guy next to you subsists entirely on leftover halibut, and repeating the same task over and over every day until the end of time feels a lot more like a nightmare than the Cindy Crawford Pepsi commercial you had in mind.

Then again, you could be the guy who lands this gig as British supermarket chain B&M's "Chicken Nugget Connoisseur," in which case ignore everything I just said if you weren't already.

Think you're poised to become the nugget industry's Next Big Thing? Well, according to B&M's actual real-life job posting, they are looking for candidates with prior experience including, but by no means limited to...

  • Getting the 20 share box of nuggets from McDonalds and keeping them all for yourself

  • Being the first in the office kitchen whenever someone says there’s cake

  • That time you tripped and fell at a buffet and saved the plate before yourself

  • Going to an event or party because there is free food

  • You value the importance of a fish finger sandwich in life

  • You can conduct a power point presentation on the reasoning behind curly fries being nicer than chips (translation: regular fries).

Salary and benefits include one $34 voucher per month, which you are expected to spend on fried B&M products and provide feedback...and that's pretty much it. So needless to say this is more of a freelance thing, and when you start factoring in all the occupational hazards—weight gain, greasy finger-related accidents, PETA—the dream job luster starts to buff out awfully quick. If you're still interested, however, you can apply via B&M's online portal which will almost definitely delete your entire cover letter just before clicking send.

H/T The Takeout.

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