During Friday night’s Braves-Mets game in Atlanta, the best athlete in the stadium wasn’t sitting in either team’s dugout.
An in-game promotion called “Beat the Freeze” gave fans in attendance easily the most athletic feat they would witness all night, despite a professional baseball game unfolding before their eyes.
As you can no doubt see, a adequately fit male fan was given the opportunity to race this mysterious “Mr. Freeze” character around the outfield warning track with a very sizable head start. By my unofficial count, he was gifted a seven second advantage before “Mr. Freeze” left the gate. But then the unthinkable happened.
With the finish line in sight, arrogance got the best of him as he prematurely began celebrating what he thought was a sure victory. What he didn't see, however, was "Mr. Freeze" tearing down the back stretch like Usain Bolt strapped to the hood of a GD Ferrari. When he finally caught sight of his foe, it was too late, and there's nothing left to do but trip face first into the dirt, providing the proverbial cherry on top of this glorious fail sundae.
How either team’s manager didn't call their general manager on the spot and demand they get Mr. Freeze on a minor league contract is beyond us. This was reminiscent to Willie Mays Hayes jumping out of bed in Major League and outrunning his competition in pajamas. I don’t care if this man can't hit, he’s got late-inning pinch runner written all over him. Seriously, buy this man 100 Beat the Freeze running suits, because that's how many bases he's going to steal.
I have no idea what “Mr. Freeze’s” true identity is or what his country of origin may be. What I do know is that I need him in a race with Usain Bolt and I need it now.