The pockets in golf pants suck

October 15, 2015

If you did any slow-dancing in the early 1970s, you recognize the fabric that modern golf shirts are made of: leftover prom dresses. But that's not the most troubling thing about golf clothes nowadays. The most troubling thing is the pockets in the pants. I've got two pairs of Nike Dri-FIT golf pants, and, generally speaking, I like them fine. But the pockets are ridiculous. The seams are so feeble that golf tees and green-repair tools push right through them after not that many rounds, forcing me to do something I'm even worse at than chipping: sewing.


The pockets in golf pants should be extra-strong, not extra-weak. They probably ought to be deeper than normal, too. And they shouldn't be made of the fabric that the pockets in my Under Armour golf pants are made of -- which feels like felted clothes-dryer lint, and snags my rain gloves like Velcro. And they shouldn't contain mini-pockets, like the pockets in my Vineyard Vines shorts:


I don't understand why pants still have these things -- or, for that matter, why they ever did. Someone told me once that their purpose is "to hold your keys so they don't poke a hole in your big pocket," but that can't be true, because they're too small to hold more than a couple of keys, and if you ever did manage to cram your keys into one you'd never get them out again. Besides, there's no reason to keep your keys in your pocket while you're playing golf. Put them in your golf bag instead.

Those annoying mini-pockets serve no purpose other than to become impacted with golf stuff. Here's the same mini-pocket with a green-repair tool hopelessly stuck in it:


You would need monkey fingers to get that thing out of there before it was your turn to putt. The only solution is to cut the mini-pockets right out of your pants, like this: