The Masters

Augusta National Golf Club



The Digest

April 29, 2019
AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am - Round One

Photo by Stan Badz/U.S. PGA Tour

MATCH THE NUISANCE WITH THE HOME REMEDY

First Aid Procedure

Photo by Found Image Holdings/Corbis via Getty Images

A. WATER, WITCH HAZEL, ORIGINAL LISTERINE (YELLOW) AND TEA TREE OIL.

B. A PASTE OF COLD COFFEE AND BAKING SODA.

C. HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR A MINUTE, THEN DOWN A GLASS OF WATER.

D. PETROLEUM JELLY.

E. WALK IT OFF.

F. ADD A CUP OF APPLE-CIDER VINEGAR TO A COOL BATH.

G. LAVENDER OIL, VANILLA EXTRACT AND LEMON JUICE.

H. EAT PINEAPPLE, WHICH CONTAINS HEALING ENZYMES.

ANSWERS: 1F, 2D, 3B, 4G, 5A, 6E (C AND H ARE FAKE)

5 MEMBER-GUEST STEREOTYPES

Happy Golfer with Cigar and Scotch

Photo by Richard Ransier/Corbis/VCG

GOLF PIX YOU DON'T SEE ON INSTAGRAM

GD060119_LIFE_Digest.jpg

Photo by Ondrej Pros/Getty Images

THE ROMANCE OF JUNE 21 (“GOLF'S LONGEST DAY”) VS. THE REALITY

Man squatting to line up his putt on a golf course

Photo by Arthur Tilley

MORE TIME FOR THE GROUP IN FRONT OF YOU TO PLUMB-BOB.

THAT CHICKEN SALAD MADE FRESH DAILY? NO LONGER SO FRESH WHEN YOU GET IT.

AMPLE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPOSE AREAS YOU MISSED WITH SUNSCREEN.

WHEN YOUR WHEELS COME OFF, THEY REMAIN OFF . . . FOR HOURS.

YOUR GASBAG PLAYING PARTNER HAS GOT MORE STORIES FOR YOU!

WHAT THE STARS REVEAL ABOUT YOUR GAME

GD060119_LIFE_Digest08.jpg

Illustrations by Christian Northeast

WATER
CANCER, SCORPIO, PISCES

Nothing better than an intimate conversation with a walk-up single. No. 3 tee isn't too soon for a plaintive comment about your marriage.

FIRE
ARIES, LEO, SAGITTARIUS

Getting wrapped up in the competition is the point. You'll apologize for what you said to your four-ball partner in your own time.

EARTH
TAURUS, VIRGO, CAPRICORN

You were loyal to Tiger during the hard years. Tear up during a rebroadcast of the 2018 Tour Championship without shame.

AIR
GEMINI, LIBRA, AQUARIUS

To play is to learn. Just because you can't break 85 doesn't mean others won't benefit from your swing advice.

TROPHIES WE'D LIKE TO HAND OUT THIS SEASON

Flying Pig Trophy Award

Photo by Allan Swart

SMALL-BILLS CARRIER

QUICK PICKER-UPPER

DEFAULT SCORECARD-KEEPER

BROKEN-TEE SAVER

DEFAULT FLAGSTICK-REPLACER

TEE-BOX JOKE TELLER

HUMAN GOLF-BALL FINDER

CADDIE-LEVEL BUNKER RAKER

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU WIN

Two male golfers, standing on green shaking hands

Photo by Photo and Co/Getty Images

IT COULD HAVE GONE EITHER WAY: I COULD HAVE WON BY A LITTLE OR BY A LOT.

MY ADVICE? TAKE TWO WEEKS OFF FROM THE GAME AND THEN QUIT.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, YOU PROBABLY LEARNED A LOT WATCHING ME.

IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S YOUR WOEFULLY INFERIOR GOLF GAME.

THIS GAME JUST ISN'T FAIR SOMETIMES. I MEAN, TODAY WAS FAIR, OBVIOUSLY. BUT OTHER TIMES IT'S NOT FAIR.

HEY, TOMORROW'S A NEW DAY. AND THAT'S THE DAY YOU SHOULD PURSUE A NEW HOBBY.

EDITED BY PETER FINCH