The Digest

“TO ME, THE [BRITISH] OPEN IS THE TOURNAMENT I WOULD COME TO IF I HAD TO LEAVE A MONTH BEFORE AND SWIM OVER.” LEE TREVINO

APPLICATION DENIED

Courses that wanted to be “royal” but were rejected

ROYAL POT BUNKER NIGHTMARE

ROYAL PORT-O-POTTY

ROYAL RAIN DELAY

ROYAL FOUR-CLUB WIND

COCKTAIL OF THE MONTH
SMOKE ON THE WATER

Summer-ready, Deep Purple-approved. Smoke on the Water is boozy, fruity, smoky and perfectly equipped for a weekend at the lake. (Guitar lessons not included.)
—COLEMAN BENTLEY

1.5 oz Mezcal

3/4 oz Cointreau

1/2 oz Hibiscus simple syrup

1 oz fresh watermelon juice

1/2 oz fresh-squeezed lime juice

1 rosemary sprig

FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE PLAYING TOO MUCH GOLF

ROYAL PORTRUSH QUIZ

How much do you know about this year's Open venue?

1. Who holds the (Old) course record at Portrush?

A. A 16-year-old Rory McIlroy

B. A 26-year-old Rory McIlroy

C. Patrick Reed

2. What should you call the British Open since it's not in Britain?

A. The Open

B. The U.K. Open

C. The Fourth Major

3. Royal Portrush's redesign will include:

A. Two new holes from the property's other golf course.

B. Two new wind turbines players will have to hit through.

C. Flags cut from Rory McIlroy's childhood bedsheets.

4. Who was the winner the last time the Open was played at Portrush?

A. Max Scherzer

B. Max Faulkner

C. William Faulkner

Answers: 1A, 2A, 3A, 4B

SEVEN CREATIVE HACKS FOR CONTENDING WITH THE SUMMER HEAT

HOLD YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CART WHILE DRIVING.

PUT SPOTIFY'S ‘COOL JAZZ' PLAYLIST ON HEAVY ROTATION.

MAKE SURE THE CLUB PRESIDENT ISN'T AROUND, THEN CUT THREE-INCH SLITS IN YOUR SHIRT'S ARMPITS.

TAKE A CIRCUITOUS ROUTE BY WALKING THROUGH SPRINKLERS AND NEIGHBORHOOD POOLS.

PRETEND YOU LOST YOUR BALL IN THE CART GIRL'S BEER COOLER, BURY HEAD IN DEEP.

WHEN REACHING A GREEN WITH ONE OF THOSE BIG FANS, SKIP THE PUTTING AND LINGER IN FRONT OF THE BREEZE.

IMAGINE TIGER WOODS' CHIPPING STROKE CIRCA SPRING 2015. (THAT WILL COOL OFF ANYBODY.)

BIGGEST HOT-DOG MOVES IN GOLF

THE CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ-ZORRO ROUTINE AFTER MAKING A PUTT

THE TIGER WOODS WALK-IT-INTO-THE-HOLE

THE KEVIN NA RUN-IT-INTO-THE-HOLE

THE WAVE TO A GALLERY OF MAINTENANCE WORKERS AND COURSE RANGERS WHILE WALKING TO 18

THE MAGIC JOHNSON-INSPIRED NO-LOOK CHIP

THE SHAKE HANDS WITH YOUR OPPONENT, THEN POSE FOR A PICTURE WITH AN IMAGINARY OVERSIZE CHECK

THE PUTTER RAISE ON A DOUBLE-BOGEY TAP-IN

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU LOSE

At least I cancelled the high-stakes bet when you were in the bathroom and out of earshot.

Weird, too, because I hit it great on the range. Not today. But one time I did.

That's okay, I'll learn from this. And one lesson is, I need to cheat more aggressively.

You deserved to win because this is all you have in your shallow existence.

Technically you won. Just not in the version I'll tell everyone at work on Monday.

Let's face it, you got a lot of breaks—including superior talent, strategy and execution.

EDITED BY PETER FINCH