Stupid Golf Problems: The easiest way to check someone on what ball they are playing
Stuart Franklin
As an avid golfer, OCD freak, keeper of score and follower of rules, I’ve always felt it is the bare minimum task to know what golf ball you are playing on any given hole. It should be easily identifiable to you with a marking of your choice, though nowadays you can get your damn name, email address and social security number on it if you want (wouldn’t recommend).
Of course, there are extenuating circumstances when, likely later in the round, you might let your guard down after losing a few balls and playing poorly. You reach in the depths of your bag and tee up a second without giving it a good hard look. Maybe you *gulp* reach a point where you must ask a playing partner for extra ammo. It happens.
In a semi-serious match with semi-serious stakes, however, you should stay on top of the branding, number, and marking on your ball. Honestly, it sounds so obvious typing it out that I’d imagine some folks reading this are wondering why the hell it needs to be spelled out like this.
Well, I can’t tell you how many times over the years I’ve played with friends, acquaintances, strangers, etc., who hit a ball in some thick rough and, when we’re all looking for it as a group, come upon a ball and seem confused as to whether or not it was theirs. They say something along the lines of “I think I was playing that ...”
You THINK?? You don’t know what golf ball you are playing? That is unfathomable to me, but I realize in those moments that I am simply wired differently. And I’ve made the mistake many times of helping an opponent in a match find a ball, coming across it first and saying “Callaway?” after stumbling on a Callaway.
What I’ve come to learn is that you should not, under any circumstances, call out the brand of the golf ball. As disgusting of an act as this is, it opens the door for guys who are cavalier with the rules to simply answer yes to whatever brand you say. I hate to imply anyone is a dirty cheat, but I know for a fact I’ve made this mistake before. People will skirt the rules with no remorse if you give them the opportunity to do so.
That’s why I’ve adopted the much better strategy of putting the person on the spot when I arrive at a ball in the fescue, thick rough or woods when helping someone look for theirs. When you come across the ball, you ask the person “what are you playing?” People wired like me have no issue with this line of questioning, answering right away with the brand name, number and specific marking. *Extreme Jon Gruden voice* Now THERE’S A GUY who gets it.
But more often than not, I’ll see brains short-circuit in these moments. Some are almost offended by the question. “You’re asking ME? What ball I am playing? How dare you!” No one’s ever actually said that to me, but I can read it on their faces. They know they didn’t get a chance to just act as if this ball was theirs, which would have been very easy since it was in the same area as their actual ball we’re looking for. You have to put these people to the test. Knowing what ball you’re playing is like writing your name on the top of a test in middle school. Bare. Freaking. Minimum.
Is this too oddly specific of a situation? Do I play with too many cheaters? Methinks not. I know there are others out there like me, who’ve dealt with this same situation. As always, feel free to email or DM me with similar stories, or other weirdly granular situations of your own. Together, we can make the golf world a better place.
Do you have a "stupid" golf problem? A question you're too ashamed to ask your close friends? A conundrum that needs to be talked out in a public forum? We're here to help. If you have etiquette-related inquiries or just want to know how to handle some of the unique on- or off-course situations we all find ourselves in, please let us know. You can email me (chris.powers@wbd.com) or send me a DM on Twitter/X (@Cpowers14) or on Instagram (@cpthreeve).