Stupid Golf Problems: Should you have to automatically play your 'breakfast ball'?
BURCU ATALAY TANKUT
So many of these Stupid Golf Problems boil down to a simple truth: Most people just don’t want to play by the rules. And, as I’ve written about before, this genre of golfer will make YOU seem like the a— for daring to enforce said rules. Even if you’re playing for a little bit of money, you’ll hear these types say something along the lines of “what is this, the PGA Tour?”
No, it’s not, which is precisely why, even when playing for money, I’m happy to be a little more lenient with the rules so long as we agree on which ones we are being lenient on before we tee off. Rolling it in the fairway, playing everything lateral, things of that nature.
Perhaps the ultimate lenient rule is the one that often is shouted out on the first tee anyway—the breakfast ball. Here’s a great debate question that came from Twitter/X user Big Swing Tempo:
By the number of replies (906!), you can tell this is a top-tier debate topic. People have FEELINGS over this one.
In my opinion, breakfast balls are perfectly OK if …
• there is no range
• there is a range, but your tee time is before 8 a.m. and everyone only got a light warmup in
• it’s below 60 degrees
• the first tee shot is an absolute death trap (out-of-bounds, hazards, etc.) and one of the three points above are applicable
• someone is hosting you at their extremely nice club and says “two off the first”
Breakfast balls are NOT OK if …
• you got a full warmup in at the range, driver swings included (anything exceeding 15 minutes)
• your first ball traveled more than 100 yards in the air and is perfectly playable
• you hit it off line but there is zero OB or hazards and you are 99.9 percent sure you’re going to find the ball
There is, of course, some other situations where a discussion needs to be had, but I feel those are perfectly fair checkpoints to adhere to. Now for the complicated bits.
If you’ve all had a full warmup and you’re playing a match for a few dollars and someone brings up the breakfast ball topic, I think it’s perfectly fine to be the guy or gal that says “hold on, are we playing golf today or is this rompus time?” There comes a time where you’re simply ready to play, and just because one person in the group is clearly experiencing first-tee nerves that doesn’t mean everyone in the group is going to. There’s nothing more eye-roll-inducing, for me, than hastily agreeing to breakfast balls, hitting my drive right down the middle and then watching someone else take a breakfast ball and “beat” me with a par to my bogey on the first hole. If you don’t find that as insane as I do, I guess we’re just built different.
Now, to the actual question at hand from Big Swing Tempo, I believe you absolutely should have to play the breakfast ball if you’re agreeing to the breakfast ball. If you find yourself in a position where you are “choosing” to play your first instead, then you should have just played your first in the first place! This isn’t an ice cream parlor where you get to sample five flavors and then end up choosing the first one you tasted. There are rules here.
Another thing that we discussed this week on The Loop podcast, if you’re taking a breakfast ball in a semi-serious match for money, you cannot win the hole. I argued you’re out of the hole entirely, but I compromised with Alex Myers, who believes you should still be able to halve the hole. Fine. But, still, it's crazy to even factor in. And how about the people who say they made “birdie” on a breakfast ball? I’m sorry, but how do you sleep at night?
Incredibly, I vomited out all these words, and some guy named “The Southern Stick” on X summed it up far better than I ever could have in less than 30:
Perfect. Much like my “just put the ball in the hole” argument, nothing avoids all of this controversy like just playing by the rules. I’m not saying outlaw breakfast balls, but you’d avoid all headaches, debates, arguments, tension, etc., by just hitting one off the tee and dealing with the consequences.
Do you have a "stupid" golf problem? A question you're too ashamed to ask your close friends? A conundrum that needs to be talked out in a public forum? We're here to help. If you have etiquette-related inquiries or just want to know how to handle some of the unique on- or off-course situations we all find ourselves in, please let us know. You can email me (chris.powers@wbd.com) or send me a DM on Twitter/X (@Cpowers14) or on Instagram (@cpthreeve).