Hey, you! Yeah, you, the obnoxious guy who yells out absurd things right after a golfer tees off. You know who you are. Now stop it!
It's bad enough that golf fans have had to endure "Get in the hole!" and "You da man!" for decades. But now we have to deal with a new era of creative -- make that ridiculous -- sayings, many of which were on display at Olympic Club during the U.S. Open. "Mashed potatoes!"? "Filet mignon!"? "5-hour Energy!"? OK, so that last one -- yelled following a Jim Furyk tee shot, of course -- was actually pretty funny... but back to my original point: Enough's enough! If I wanted to hear drunk guys yelling random things, I'd watch "Jersey Shore."
I really hoped no one yelled "Get in the hole!" here. It was a par 5. (Getty Images)
I'm not trying to sound all Bobby Jones-preachy here. I don't think fans should be restrained to soft "golf claps" and dressing like they're about to attend a business conference, but they should keep in mind that players can actually hear them. And worse, everyone else watching -- both in person and on TV -- can as well.
I mean, if you're going to take advantage of total silence, why not at least scream something that's for a good cause? Maybe something like "Peace and goodwill!" Or, "Lower gas prices!" Or better yet, "Stop making Adam Sandler movies!"
At least there weren't any fans dumb enough to interrupt the trophy ceremony. Oh wait, that's right. One bozo's desperate attention-seeking ploy did just that, and prompted Webb Simpson to deliver the line of the week when he said, "Enjoy the jail cell, pal." Now that's something I hope everyone heard loud and clear.
Fans are supposed to stay behind the ropes and in general, keep to themselves. They should not feel entitled to make themselves part of the show. Can you imagine watching a highlight of Jack Nicklaus' 1-iron off the flagstick on No. 17 at Pebble Beach in the 1972 U.S. Open and hearing some idiot yelling "Mango chutney!" in the background? When it comes to major championships, as I once heard a Grand Canyon tour guide enthusiastically proclaim, "We're making memories here, people!" Let's try not to taint them.
-- Alex Myers