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Report informs Scotland, the Home of Golf, that it should stop advertising golf

August 23, 2018
General Views of The Old Course at St Andrews

David Cannon

Imagine the Egyptian tourism board banning the pyramids from its marketing campaign. Or France keeping the Eiffel Tower in the shadows, while Spain keeps the Sagrada Família on the down low. Wouldn't happen, right? Without these landmarks, why visit? For the food, culture, history, people? No thanks.

We bring this up because someone had the bright idea that Scotland, known for being the Home of Golf, to keep, um, golf out of the country's latest tourism endeavor.

The 110-page "insight findings" report from Lucid People Ltd. on a Scotland campaign video found golf to be too divisive to people. If that sounds ridiculous, know it's not the only head-scratcher in this Powerpoint, which looks like it was put together by a drunk 19-year-old who found out 40 minutes before class starts that the semester-long project is due. Said report also warns of using Sean Connery, Scotland's favorite son, because his James Bond role is "obtuse" and "facile." Insert "curious emoji with hand on chin" here.

Oh, and God. No God references, according to Lucid People Ltd. Why? No idea. It just says don't mention the Big Man. Okay, then.

You know what? Lucid didn't go far enough. Scotland should throw out whisky and the Highlands. No mention of "Braveheart," either. The tourism board should simply go on Getty Images, find stock photos of "innovation" and "people in the workplace" and work up a slideshow. That, or take the report from Lucid and toss it in the ocean.