Ranking the many aliases of Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs (or whatever he’s going by this very second)

On Monday, November 6th, 2017, Sean John Combs—AKA just-make-a-sound-and-you’re-probably-close—took to online video-hosting platforms with a major announcement: He would from henceforth be known and referred to only as Brother Love. So to celebrate Diddy P. Diddy Puffy Puff Daddy Ah F—ck It Brother Love’s 10th name change, we decided to revisit each, from 1975 to whatever non-linear time continuum humanity recently plunged to the bottom of, constructing the ultimate Puffy Name Power Pyramid. When the dust finally settled and the final stone was set in the Love (he says it’s OK if you just call him Love) Palace, here’s how everything shook out.

10). Swag - Remember the summer of 2011 when “swag” was the most overused word in the English language and even got officially added to Merriam-Webster as a noun? Yeah, this was around then and lasted for like a week. Bury it deep in the dark of your soul and move on.

9.) Poppadiddipop - According to most verified Sean John Combs nickname timelines, he went as Poppadiddipop between 2001-2005. Mercifully, everyone was too distracted by a protracted military conflict to remember this.

8.) Brother Love - The brand new one, which is essentially just a microwaveable version of Metta World Peace. Get your own bit, Sean.

7.) Sean John Combs - Points docked for being an actual hooman name.

6.) King Combs - According to Google search, no promotional photo shoot of Diddy in full King George ruffles eating grapes off the vine in a velvet throne surrounded by a positively parched royal haram was ever completed in conjunction with King Combs. This feels like a huge miss. Additionally, Diddy’s son now uses King Combs as his stage name, further complicating the already pretty complicated Diddy name-scape.

5.) Sean John - AKA the name of Diddy’s department store fashion line, available at Macy’s this holiday season.

4.) Puff/Puffy - The granddaddy of them all. Diddy’s childhood nickname—revived between 1999 and 2001—also sounds like the cute Super Smash Bros. character your little sister would somehow always beat your ass with. Needless to say, it’s no Ghostface Killah.

3.) Puff Daddy - Presumably Sean’s orgy name, Puff Daddy enjoyed two separate runs as the face of the franchise, first between 1997-98 and then again between 2014 and yesterday, the dawn of Brother Love. If you were a 90s kid, this is probably what you still call him. If not, why are you even reading this?

2.) P. Diddy - A shorter, dumber, Black Eyed Peas-y riff on Puff Daddy. Every millisecond of your life you save not saying one of Sean Combs’ names is a good millisecond though, which lead us to…

1.) Diddy - Wait, he didn’t actually go by Poppadiddipop for four years did he?

P.S. RIP Tupac.

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