Cognizant Classic in The Palm Beaches

PGA National (Champion Course)



You're not helping

30 passive aggressive golf comments that need to stop now

February 25, 2023
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MichaelSvoboda

Golfers, generally speaking, are friendly. Sure, there are the outliers (have you seen some of these viral golf-course fights?), but by and large, we’re a cordial, supportive bunch. The problem is, sometimes you don’t want support on the course. Poor shots and bad breaks need to be treated as such, and a little woe-is-me time is required.

This is what makes playing with a glass-half-full optimist so difficult at times. They’re friendly and hopeful to a fault. Their encouraging comments aren’t inherently mean, yet when delivered at the wrong time, they can be infuriating. Whether intended or not, they’re passive aggressive. Here are the 30 most common that need to be expelled from golf’s vernacular. (Though we don't advise responding how we've written here, we know it's what you're thinking.)

“That won’t kill you”

I know it won’t. It’s five yards off the fairway.

“There are worse places to be”

Oh, really?

“I think it’s still you”

Thank you. I was worried we might play out of order.

“I’m sure we’ll find it somewhere”

And I’m sure I’m never playing with you again.

“Good miss”

But … I was aiming there.

“I thought you’d made that”

Cool?

“Was that a pull or a mis-read?”

I’m not answering that.

“Well, it sounded good”

Thanks. I’d prefer if you stopped talking now.

“Was that a mud ball?”

No, it was a shan- … Actually, yes, it was a mud ball.

“It opens up over there”

That makes me feel so much better.

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Morsa Images

“Well, the speed was good”

And the line was … bad? I’m sorry my 40-footer finished three-feet right of the hole.

“That’s unlike you”

And these comments are so like you.

“That’ll play”

Yeah, I know it will.

“Get a bounce”

Simmer down, it’s just fine.

“Nice bounce-back”

Thank you for reminding me my birdie was preceded by a triple.

“Was that what you were trying to do?”

I don’t know, what’s it to you?

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MichaelSvoboda

“You might get away with it”

And what if I don’t?

“That’s actually not horrible”

No, it’s actually perfectly fine.

“At least you missed it on the pro side”

Just what I was thinking. I’m so glad I missed the putt … on the proper side.

“The stroke looked good”

Thanks Dave Stockton.

“I’ve never seen you do that before”

Well, now you have.

“I guess it’s just not your day”

Why do you say the things that you say?

“I didn’t realize you had that shot”

It was a standard 20-yard pitch?

“It’s not as bad over there as it looks”

Heads up, Dottie. Someone’s coming for your job.

“It’s OK, that was a tough lie”

The chip was still chunked. I don’t feel any better.

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LJM Photo / Design Pics

“Is there not much sand in that bunker?”

The sand is fine, I just thinned the shot, OK? Is that what you wanted to hear?

“Wrong club or just hit it too hard?”

Don’t you have better things to be worrying about?

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone actually hit it over there”

Really? Because I’ve seen you in that exact spot a dozen times before.

“That’s a bold line. Carry!”

I drive it 50 by you. We play a different game.

“That was an interesting club choice”

Have you ever heard of a bump-and-run?