By Ashley Mayo
Welcome to Bethpage State Park, where the playoffs are officially underway and a the duel between Tiger and Rory is just beginning. A complete Bethpage experience involves eavesdropping on spectator chatter. Below, some of the odd exchanges we overheard within the Long Island gallery.
Man, while walking from the clubhouse to the tenth tee (which is quite a hike): "I'm already dead." His gal pal: "Good news is, for every hill you climb UP, you get to enjoy running DOWN." Man: "Must you always be so positive? It's annoying."
Guy, talking about a muscular security guard on the tenth tee: "That guy means business." Guy's friend: "Hold me, Mommy."
Guy, right after Matt Kuchar tees of on no. 10: "KUUUUUUCCCHHH." Guy looks at his buddy, smiles and says, "I love being THAT guy."
Man, after Rory's drives it over the left corner of fairway bunkers on the 12th hole: "Right. That's actually NOT the line I normally take."
Guy on 14th tee, watching Tiger's group walk up to the tee and wait for Keegan Bradley's group on the green. "Someone's gotta tell Keegan to play quicker. He wouldn't be allowed to play Bethpage; he'd be thrown off! Phil came through TEN minutes ago. This is slower than my Saturday round."
Guy standing by a bunker on the 18th green: "Look at all those bees swarming around." His buddy: "Yellow Jackets are the least of a golfer's worries on this monster."
Dude, to another guy: "I swear, every time I see you you're wearing that shirt." Guy: "Dude, the chicks love it."
Man, while rummaging through his buddy's backpack: "I mean, could you bring any more Advil?" Buddy: "Hills."
After Tiger misses a six-foot birdie putt on the par-3 third: "He should fire his caddie. ... And bring back what's-his-face."
After Tiger saves par from the greenside bunker on the fifth hole: "He's too good! HE'S TOO GOOD!" Guy standing next to him: "He ain't betta than New York."
A woman screeches after Rory nearly holes out his shot from the greenside bunker on the seventh hole. Guy says, "The girls just love this kid. Lucky bastard."
Guy, after Bo Van Pelt tees off the tenth hole: "That's what I like to call a 'smoothie' swing." His buddy: "Why 'smoothie?'" Guy: "Because smoothies are tasty."
Little boy, after Bo Van Pelt tees off: "GET IN THE HOLE!" Guy: "It's cute when little boys say that sh*t. It's sad and ridiculous when grown men do it."