Jordan's misery, Jackson Koivun's debut and galactic Homa Vibes: 10 things for the John Deere Classic

Golfpocalypse is a collection of words that runs prior to each week's PGA Tour event, mostly ABOUT that event. Reach out with your hottest takes on absolutely anything at shane.spr8@gmail.com. We'll publish the best emails here.

Let's play a thought association game with the John Deere Classic, a tournament that is easy to sneer at but has been a mainstay on the PGA Tour, in some form, as long as I've been alive, and in fact is now more than 50 years old. Here are a few things that come to my brain if you say the words "John Deere Classic" at me:

1. It's at TPC Deere Run, which is either in Iowa or on the border of like four different states
2. Zach Johnson and Steve Stricker have combined for at least 27 wins
3. It's close to the Open
4. The winner is always a million under par
5. Spieth

How'd I do? Well first, TPC Deere Run is in Illinois, and while it is very close to the border with Iowa (it was actually in Iowa in the very early days), it is not near four states. I was thinking of the "Quad Cities area" by the Mississippi River, which is right by the course. Zach Johnson and Steve Stricker have combined for four wins (Stricker did a three-peat between '09 and '11), the winner is indeed a million strokes under par, the Open is two weeks away and Spieth has won twice. Not bad!

I know we're all a little more excited about the links golf swing starting next week, but let's see what we can do with this plucky stalwart of an event. Here we go.

1. Let's get EXCITED about the field!

Are there any top-ten players here? No. What about some of the fun and/or on-form guys outside it, like Hovland, Xander, Koepka or Burns? Also no. What about any Europeans? In fact, there are 11, which feels crazy low, although I have no point of comparison. But there aren't any of the good ones, unless you're a big Pontus Nyholm fan (which I may be one day, but not yet).

HOWEVER. We do have some intriguing names, so here are five I'll be watching with interest:

Chris Gotterup - Highest ranked player in the field at 14, and went off last year at about this time, winning the Scottish and coming third in the Open.
Matt Wallace - Finished second in Italy last week, has been sneaky steady this year including a T-2 at the Valero.
Max Homa - I just have a feeling here...
Jackson Koivun - Professional debut for an am who has been insanely good.
Rickie Fowler - I could barely finish typing the name, but I guess I'm old-fashioned, and it wasn't long ago that he was stringing together top-tens in three straight events, all three of them signatures!

Am I forgetting anyone? Oh yes...

2. The Jordan Spieth Sadness Index (JSSI)

The last time we checked in, we were at a 4.9 before the CJ Cup. Now? Folks, I'm taking the rare step of upping this baby to an 11.6. Yes, the scale is technically out of 10, but these are dark times. Not only did he miss the cut at Memorial, limp to a T-56 at Shinnecock, then finish 66th out of 72 players at the Travelers, but I also have a ton of personal sadness after re-watching his final six holes at Royal Birkdale in 2017. Seriously, go watch it. Start here, skip around a bunch, and marvel at what a comprehensive Spieth experience it was, from the absolute disaster of the tee shot at 13 to the 30-minute odyssey in figuring out how to get away with bogey by hitting from the driving range, to the most electric major finish I've ever seen. It's such a reminder of what we're missing now, so we're jacking up the score beyond the limits.

Anyway, Spieth is in the field this week. I don't expect much, which might be the best place to exist here in 2026 ... he's definitely going to win. In fact, I'm so sure of his ability to defy expectations that I now expect him to win. Which means he'll miss the cut. Unless we expect him to miss the cut, in which case—

[spends next eight hours stuck in a Spieth thought loop]

3. Ranking the Sponsor's Exemptions

Can you believe Brian Rolapp is getting rid of sponsor's exemptions? Does he care nothing for very minor items in Golf Digest tournament preview posts? How will I feed my family????

Anyway, let's enjoy this time while we still can.

Who? - Ryan Voois - Very good college golfer
Who? - Preston Stout - Very good college golfer
Why? - Dylan Frittelli - does he still wear weird glasses?
Fascinating - Mason Howell - Eight professional starts, eight cuts

What are we going to do without this feature?

4. What do we need to know about TPC Deere Run?

It's very easy, particularly the three par-5s, which Tour players ate alive last year, going about 1.5 strokes under par on average cumulatively, which is a lot when you consider that it counts even players who missed the cut. The other holes aren't much harder, and as Michael Kim said on Twitter, the key to winning is "birdies and lots of them," and it's the kind of course the players themselves love, which should make you suspicious because the players are spiritual weaklings who want to make eagle on every hole. However, the course is not uninteresting—it looks great (nice drone fly-over with hole analysis here), and it can punish you if you're wild off the tee, especially after a few recent changes that included some bunker shifting and fairway tightening. If you're a Deere Stan, you'll enjoy this ode from Adam Woodward at The Fried Egg.

Other fun facts, courtesy of the Tour: Apparently they just lost a century-old tree, and also this used to be an Arabian horse farm.

5. Big Dig Appreciation

I've never been to this event, but from Woodward at The Fried Egg, I learned that every year they let the players do a Big Dig with John Deere machinery. I would give anything to dig up the earth with a backhoe for an hour in the Quad Cities, or just to watch Keegan Bradley and Zach Johnson drive one into a ditch and then dig themselves deeper.

6. Golf Tweet of the Week: THIS IS A SICK JOKE

Thank you Skratch for this, which captures the Spieth zeitgiest:

7. Second Golf Tweet of the Week: Scottie and the Dog Man

I did a quick post about this yesterday, but I seriously can't stop laughing about it, and because we're at the John Deere, I'm allowing myself a second tweet:

This is the start of a sports movie where the dog sees Scottie, starts to take some putts in his free time and ten years later becomes the first non-human to win the Masters.

8. One Normie Pick, One Weird Pick

My normie pick is Jacob Bridgeman, but I'm going to go with my gut and ride with Max Homa on the weird pick. The signals are strong from the universe, and one of these days it has to be right. (I'm going to allow myself a medium normie-weird pick too: Harry Higgs. Big time "he was going to quit the game, now he won a tour event!" energy.)

9. Rogue Golf Thought: I think the Tour changes are going to make these events better

I know this sounds insane right now, but let's say for argument's sake that the John Deere doesn't get to be one of the championship series events when the Tour's changes go through in 2028. If they get to be one of the seven events that takes place when there's no championship series event, it almost makes them more meaningful and interesting despite not having the world's best players. I'm not saying your average fan is going to care right away, but it adds some stakes where right now your Cognizants and Canadian Opens and John Deeres are just placeholders.

Now, if they're one of the 13 or so events that have to co-exist on a weekend with a Championship Series event? Yeah, then you're screwed.

10. Rogue Non-Golf Thought: Science must defeat mustard water

I'm a huge mustard guy, and I love it all—the classic yellow, dijon, mustard mixed with hot sauce, honey mustard. Even spicy brown has its place, despite the fact that it kinda sucks. If you ever go on a diet, yellow mustard will save your life, because it's the only thing in the world that is both flavorful and not terrible for you. I glorify the mustard seed.

What I hate is when you don't use a bottle of mustard for a while, open it up, and the first squeeze is just all disgusting mustard water. I ruined a sandwich that way just this week, and it leaves me feeling disgusted and unsettled. It's the food equivalent of watching that Bryson dancing video that No Laying Up won't stop tweeting out. It takes me 48 hours to get over it, and science should take a break from fixing none of our important problems to defeat it forever.