Hell hath no fury like a baseball god scorned, but on Tuesday night some Seattle-area joker/jackass decided to tempt fate anyway, sawing off the bat on Ken Griffey Jr.’s sacrosanct statue outside of Safeco Field. Behold the mind-numbing idiocy:
I assume the perpetrator of this heinous baseball crime is now lying face down in a ditch with the ghost of Ty Cobb using his spine as a spike sharpener, but it begs the question: What the hell would one do with a sawed-off bronze bat stolen from the tribute to one of your city’s most indelible sports heroes anyway? Use it as a potato masher? Bust up your ex’s car with it? Throw it in the Puget when those 12 Rainiers wear off and you’re left staring the depth of your own stupidity right in its bottomless maw?
Whatever the answer, Statue League Griffey will still be fine, of course. He’ll just choke up on it a bit and wait for that inside fastball. Mariners fans could use a little talking off the ledge, however. The last thing Seattle needs is a bunch vigilante Starbucks-quadruple-red-eye-fueled maniacs grabbing their pitchforks and torches and heading for the hills. Justice is coming, guys. Don’t worry. Detective Cobb is already on it.