News & ToursJuly 15, 2015

How women's golf can deal with the Donald Trump British Open problem

Women's golf, along with the rest of the sport and society as a whole, is dealing with a Donald Trump problem.

Following the presidential candidate's remarks on Mexican immigrants, the LPGA released a statement regarding this year's British Open, which will be held at Trump's Turnberry course. The women's governing body voiced that, while it does not agree with Trump's comments, it was too late to move venues.

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"I would be willing to let you play the Women's British Open, in two weeks, at another course rather than magnificent Turnberry (which I own)," Trump wrote. "I think you have done an extraordinary disservice to women's golf, but in no way will that diminish my respect for the women on the LPGA tour of their great golfing talent."

Trump finished the acerbic rebuttal with the sticking-tongue-out remark,  "Obviously, you will have to move quickly!"

Usually when Trump opens his mouth, the words that spew out are more flawed than Tidal. This is one instance, however, where the Donald is right. Well, except for the part where he dares the LPGA to relocate the Open, because the Ladies' Golf Union of Britain is the administrative entity for the tournament. But let's not let a little thing like facts get in the way.

In the allotted timetable, it would be a logistical nightmare to transfer venues. Besides, there are a lot of good people -- from those working at the links to the town of South Ayrshire -- banking on the tournament's business.

That doesn't mean women's golf should take this sitting down. Here are a few ideas on how the ladies can combat Trump at the British Open:

  • Honor Michael Forbes, a Scotland farmer who refused to sell his estate to Trump's Scottish Aberdeen resort. Forbes, whose resistance to Trump earned him the "Top Scot" prize in 2012, can hit the ceremonial first tee shot.

  • Have announcers refer to the course as "the future bankrupt Trump Turnberry Resort." After all, the man has filed for bankruptcy four times, and the Trump International Golf Club Puerto Rico just filed for protection this week.

  • All the players don decorative Mexican flag lapel pins.

  • All the pins are decorated with Mexican flags.

  • All player interviews are conducted with Spanish translators.

  • Marla Maples is the on-course color analyst. Sure, she doesn't have any golf broadcast experience. Neither did half the FOX U.S. Open coverage team.

  • Free commercial time for any Republican presidential nominee.

  • Air the documentary "You've Been Trumped" on the LPGA website, a film that reports on the environmental atrocities caused by Trump and his developers in building his Aberdeen golf property.

  • Redesign the tournament logo to an illustration of President Obama holding up his birth certificate, smiling.

  • Giveaway bird-nest hats to all tournament spectators.

  • Last place finisher is given a copy of Trump's Monopoly game. (This item has one bidder watching. That bidder has to be Trump.)

  • All tee markers are molded in the Buffalo Bills emblem. Seriously, the guy tried - and failed - to buy a franchise that hasn't made the playoffs this century.

As the reader may have guessed, these suggestions are a tad sardonic. (Unless the reader in question is Trump). But as the great Will Durst said, "Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale."

Follow @JoelMBeall


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