Circa 2018

Here are some modern storylines for that new Mighty Ducks TV show

January 23, 2018

Proving once again there are really no new ideas but just recycled ideas that eventually end up on cable, The Hollywood Reporter revealed this week that a TV series is in the works based around The Mighty Ducks movies from the 1990s. Assuming the basic framework remains intact — a misfit collection of youth hockey players, a well-intentioned coach with a layered past, some type of over-entitled obnoxious league rival — it only makes sense that the new iteration would seek to present the modern-day Ducks with a set of challenges unique to these interesting times.

Just spitballing here, but for instance:

  • Once portly and affable, goaltender Greg Goldberg drops 25 pounds and is now shredded thanks to strict gluten- and hormone-free diet; draws ridicule from teammates for abundance of selfies on his Instagram feed.

  • Beloved hockey sage Hans falls prey to e-mail phishing scam telling him to send money to long-lost relative in Taiwan; the Ducks have to put on fundraiser to re-coup his losses.

  • Bookish Lester Averman's ice time diminishes after spate of neutral zone turnovers; subsequent ADHD diagnosis and accompanying medication turns him into two-way dynamo.

  • "Bash Brother" Fulton Reed sidelined in Episode 5 due to elaborate concussion protocol.

  • Head coach Gordon Bombay's aggressive Tinder habits backfire when two hook-ups simultaneously meet him outside rink after league title game.

  • A boorish new parent, LaVar Puck, moves to town in Episode 7 and insists his talented sons will only show up for games if they're assured sufficient time on the power play.

  • Ducks invite scrutiny after curiously dropping three straight to inferior Moscow pee wee team in international tournament; investigators eventually uncover a series of emails that implicates team benefactor Duckworth in Russian collusion.

  • A fractious divide runs through team when other "Bash Brother" Dean Portman opts to take a knee during national anthem; Star forward Adam Hand responds by spamming team group text with multiple links from Breitbart.

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