Golf’s not mental … It’s emotional
To play your best, you have to manage your emotions more than your thoughts. That's how you keep your expectations in check and, yes, bring down that stress level so you can avoid disasters on the course and actually enjoy this game you love. Here are seven emotional states that can take over your game during a round—and how you can beat them.
EMBARRASSMENT
There are moments in golf that are so humiliating, so soul-rattling, they make you do things that would horrify the kids back home. I’m not talking about when you clank a 4-iron—you don’t expect to hit that shot. It’s the simple ones that carry the emotional risk. Take the two-footer for birdie that your buddies make you putt. How embarrassing it would be if you missed. It’s just a tiny tap of the putter, yet many attempts don’t even sniff the hole. You can fake disbelief, find something to blame, but the shame is real.
WHAT TO DO: First, understand that the fear of embarrassment comes from what you assume your playing partners are thinking and going to say. Truth is, they don’t care. They’re stuck in their own games. So stop worrying. The real damage is what all that stress does to your body: It hijacks your actions and turns your stroke into a stiff, twitchy jab. No chance. The fix is to shrink the target and shorten the moment, like a free-throw shooter. The longer you dwell in the emotion, the worse it gets. Pick a small spot on the back of the cup, one look and go.
RAGE
This isn't frustration. This is full-blown anger gone wild. You want to hurl your club into a pond or snap it over your knee. How did you get here? Maybe you started with a careless bogey, then a double—anger starts bubbling. Enter the perfect storm: You pipe a tee shot, leaving a simple wedge, and you flat out lay the sod over it. Your anger snowballs into rage after you blade two chips and three-jack for a triple. You’re done.
WHAT TO DO: As spontaneous as rage seems, it’s there way before the round starts. It’s been there since your expectations stopped lining up with reality. It started the night before when you saw yourself playing perfect golf, shooting your personal best. Those predictions lead to tension, and that’s the killer. To head off rage, admit to yourself that this game is hard, you’re going to make mistakes. Remember, you’re not that good; you don’t practice enough to get mad. If you feel rage coming on, think of the “second-ball pro,” the guy who drops a ball after a terrible shot and absolutely stripes it. Try for that feeling of freedom before you hit the bad one.
GUILT
Here's another emotional predicament that tends to creep in and ruin your day. Picture yourself out on the course playing like a clown, after you told your spouse you’d be four hours and you’re going on six—and you missed your kid’s soccer game. When your drives are flying and putts are falling, those thoughts don’t pack much emotion, but when your golf turns sour, guilt takes over and bulldozes everything.
WHAT TO DO: For starters, realize that guilt is a totally wasted emotion. You’re not going to be able to rationalize what you’re missing out on or who you’re pissing off. You’re out there now, and no collection of excuses or stories you could tell your family are going to change anything. Commit to making the most of whatever’s left of your round. Try to turn your guilt into gratitude. After all, you’re getting to do the thing you say you love. If you need a reminder, grab your Sharpie and write “gratitude” across your glove. When you’re feeling regretful, look at that simple cue and embrace the opportunity of each shot as it comes.
GRIEF
Loss causes grief, and I don’t mean losing some big tournament. I mean little losses that happen all the time. You get stuck in traffic, skip your warm-up, then top it off the first. Silly as it sounds, you’re grieving the loss of getting off to a good start. Or you three-putt the first hole from 10 feet, turning a birdie into a bogey. Or your partner in a match pumps one OB and declares, “Your hole, bud,” then you step up and do the same. Point is, you suffer an unexpected loss, so you’re in a mild state of trauma.
WHAT TO DO: Take the partner example. Your focus went from, Let me just put this in play to Don’t hit it OB. Your preoccupation with not letting your partner down makes you so tight, all you can do is hit it sideways. Instead, vow to go down swinging but with a shot you know you can pull off. Pick your go-to club, maybe a 5-wood or hybrid, aim away from the trouble and swing with the target in mind—no technical thoughts. Stick the finish, feeling good that you swung with commitment, not cowardice. Grief won’t get you when you know you didn’t shy away from the moment.
BOREDOM
A typical round of golf is a long haul. Throw in a few slow foursomes in front, maybe some extra time in the woods, and long gets loooong. At some point, boredom shows up. What happens then? You lose your focus. You start combing through texts and emails. When it comes to hitting shots, you don’t give them much attention or start trying wacky stuff because you’re bored. Either way, I don’t like your chances.
WHAT TO DO: The good news here is boredom is one emotion you can anticipate. Develop a trigger that allows you to switch your attention on and off. Maybe it’s putting your glove on or tapping your clubhead on the ground before you make a practice swing. It’s a little physical act that tells you it’s time to lock in for the next 30 seconds. After you hit, go ahead and let yourself zone out. That said, I don’t love the idea of checking messages—you risk seeing an email from the boss or a credit-card bill. Turning off lets you bank some emotional energy, and we all could use more of that. Just make sure you have a trigger to click you back in.
LONELINESS
This is a tricky one because there’s a lot of time alone in golf. You’re the one who picks your shots, remembers those marathon sessions on the range, knows that swing checklist in your head. As a result, the game can be isolating, especially when you get out there and everything falls to pieces. You find yourself hunting for tee shots in the bushes while your buddies are chatting it up in the fairway. Golfers claim to love the inner challenge, but, man, it can get dark in there.
WHAT TO DO: Be aware of getting too introverted. Walking with your head down, grinding through swing thoughts, no social breaks—I’m betting this isn’t how you play your best. Think about your most satisfying rounds. What are you like? I bet you’re telling stories and having some laughs. You’re reacting to what’s in front of you, focused on the target and not overthinking technique. When you lose that mojo, force a reset. Imagine you just finished nine and mentally bring the halfway house out to you. Crack a “mental beer,” pull out a new ball. Stop brooding and get back to playing a game.
HOPE
I know it seems crazy that hope can be negative, but it often is. It’s like positive thinking: I can do anything I set my mind to. Believing that causes you to play more aggressively and bring in too much risk. Imagine you start a round double-double, then you roll in a 40-footer for birdie on No. 3. I’m back, baby! So you try a high draw off the next tee and flare it into the trees. You mistook confidence for competence.
WHAT TO DO: Use realistic thinking, even negative thinking, which means being honest about where you struggle. Make notes on your scorecard before teeing off. Circle holes where you can be aggressive and flag ones where you should play safe. Don’t get tempted by possibility because something good just happened. Instead, trust the plan you made when you were unemotional. If it says 3-wood, hit 3-wood. Hope is not a strategy.
Will Robins, a Golf Digest 50 Best Teacher in Granite Bay, Calif., is creator of The Scoring Method.