Edgar Allen No

God save the Queen…from the Baltimore Ravens social media team

September 20, 2017
The Queen
WPA Pool

This weekend, the Baltimore Ravens are packing up and heading across the pond for another Yahoo!-streamed brunch matchup with the Jacksonville Jaguars that we will probably watch, despite the fact we should know much, much better by now. And in order to stoke the engine-room embers of their UK hype train this week, the Ravens social-media crack squad decided to do what every remotely competent social-media crack squad has been trained to do since the dawn of bipeds: Make a meme.

Unfortunately for them, however, somewhere between “make a meme” and “post the meme”, the creative powers at Nevermore HQ lost their way in the haunted forest of the mind, emerging wild-eyed and babbling with this Halloween-ready monstrosity, which they then promptly plastered all over Twitter. Viewer discretion is advised:

In the immortal words of Ron Burgundy: GREAT. ODIN'S. RAVEN. Once you gaze into that one red eye, you can’t look away. It traps you there, like a fly in a web, pulling you deeper and deeper into its crimson spiral until, suddenly, you’re staring back at yourself, bound for eternity within its glassy prison. Also, quick question: Why in the name of everything unholy did the Ravens choose to Photoshop their Demon Queen into a Dunder Mifflin Paper Co. cubicle? Seriously, just do a Getty search of Queen Elizabeth and you'll see the woman has never set foot anywhere that didn't look like the tea parlor of some Sherlock villain named Alastair.

Needless to say, the Ravens promptly deleted this geopolitical whoopsy—can you imagine if Manchester United plastered their crest all over Donald Trump’s ass before their stateside preseason tour? OK, us too, bad example—but thanks to the dark magic of screengrab, it will live on to haunt our dreams until the End of Days for which it so clearly pines.

Meanwhile, on an even more horrifying note, the Jacksonville Jaguars are still the Jacksonville Jaguars, a fact that has recently prompted some fans to begin seeking mercy kill by salmonella poisoning. Yay football.


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