'A nun, a man with one arm and a midget': Bret Bielema's old golf foursome is somehow real and not a joke (we think)

November 14, 2023

"A nun, a man with one arm and a midget" sounds like the beginning of a potentially off-color joke. That, or some sort of circus act. For Illinois head football coach Bret Bielema, however, that's that group that rounded out one of his old golf foursomes. Wait, what?

Even Bielema understood just how unbelievable this collection of humans was. "It sounds like a joke, but it was a definite reality," he told the media. 

For context, Bielema was reminiscing about his time as a graduate assistant at the University of Iowa, where he played his college football from 1989 to 1992. His Fighting Illini will take on his Alma Mater this Saturday in Iowa City, which led to some questions about his glory days during his Monday press conference. 

That's when the topic of an old Hawkeye golf event, and his eclectic foursome, came up:

Legitimately took me five watches to realize this was real and not one of those deep fake videos. It's so preposterous that someone couldn't have even come up with the story and then the voiceover of it if they tried. A nun, a man with one arm who uses four (!!) putters, a midget and Bielema, who must have looked like a literal giant next to the other tree. This sounds like a scene out of the movie "Big Fish."

Unfortunately, no one at the press conference pressed further on this matter, understandable given it's a football-related presser. But that's left us with so many questions. What did the man with one arm need four putters for? Was the nun a stick? Did they play in a scramble or play their own ball? We need more.